What should I do now?

campy · 11-25-2010, 01:29 PM

Last weekend my sister in law, in a drunken state, had a horrible screaming fight with me, also in a drunken state, about my parents, my childhood, how I was treated special compared to my brother (one of three) who was scarred by his upbringing. My dad was not always father of the year.

I had a MAJOR problem with her ravings, major...I am having a very hard time getting over this exchange. I don't know what to do now. We have always gotten along, I still like her, love my brother, love their kids but this has raked up some pretty resentful feelings. She ruined my night and weekend and I haven't been able to stop dwelling on it since.

What should I do now to repair the relationship?

campy · 11-25-2010, 03:03 PM

Thank you! THis is great advice, especially the cooling off point. I thought about telling my brother, her husband, and letting him know how I felt about her comments that I felt were poisonous to any healthy relationship he or their kids might have with my parents.

I feel like maybe it would just be brushed off because of the booze thing and i'm afraid to throw this at his feet. It really would put him in the middle between me, his wife and our folks. I don't know....

Maybe my other SIL, she is level headed, knows my whole family...has had battles with my dad...

I wish I could just forget it but it was so toxic, it was a relationship changing conversation....

Thanks for the advice

funnygurl1979 · 11-25-2010, 04:16 PM

I agree with Slampokes, take time and chill.
My brother, sister and I have different ideas of what our childhood was like. Our Father was not a saint but my siblings hero worship him. I remember a different story, more absences and passive agressive silences.
I'm the oldest kid, is your brother the oldest too?

RoundAbout · 11-25-2010, 06:39 PM

take a chill pill

DWarrior · 11-25-2010, 07:11 PM

She's a sister in law? How the fuck does she know about your bro's upbringing? This actually sounds like your brother's a little whiny pussy ass bitch who keeps lamenting about his past to his wife, so one drunken night she finally couldn't handle the secrets and broke down.

Seems like brother's the root of this one.

The Girl · 11-25-2010, 10:08 PM

Write it out!

Write her a letter that you know you'll never send. Tell her off completely. Don't hold back. Then throw it out.

Wait a couple days and try to write a letter that you WOULD SEND her.

Don't send it

Wait a couple of days a write a new one. This one will be more calm. Try to keep your language about how YOU felt and not about what SHE did or does.

For example: I felt like I was losing a friend
Instead of: you were so mean

People don't respond well to accusations.

Wait a couple days after writing the last letter and see if you like it then

It's so devastating to fight with family. It can be life altering. Take a breath. Keep perspective.

The Girl · 11-25-2010, 10:09 PM

Oh and distroy all letters you don't send. It does you no good to hold on to it and someone will find it and take it the wrong way

MadMaddy · 11-25-2010, 10:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by slampokes

Baby... my sister and I fight like the fucking Kinks. I love the shit out of her. I would take a bullet for her. I've definitely taken a beating or two for her. But sometimes she can't shut her fucking face. And things get INTENSE, and really, really cruel when she is very angry - I'm incapable of hurting her the way she's hurt me in the past. It's probably the only thing I WON'T talk about on these forums - things she said to me five years ago still keep me up at night. I love her though.

You need to put this relationship on ice for a bit. Take a few weeks completely off from her. Also, what about maybe bringing in a mediator when it's time to talk? If it's really that intense, it may not be the weirdest idea... people don't always get crazy when there's a stranger in the room, but it helps ya get your beans out.

Keep me posted.

^^^^^^ Your posts are awesome, I think I  you.

Lanfear · 11-25-2010, 11:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DWarrior

She's a sister in law? How the fuck does she know about your bro's upbringing? This actually sounds like your brother's a little whiny pussy ass bitch who keeps lamenting about his past to his wife, so one drunken night she finally couldn't handle the secrets and broke down.

Seems like brother's the root of this one.

What he said

doug · 11-25-2010, 11:59 PM

Murder suicide.

Everyone wins.

View Poll Results: What should I do now?
Confront her about what was said...sober	19	73.08%
Ignore everything and carry on like nothing was said, we were drunk after all.	4	15.38%
Email her how i'm feeling..I can be drunk for this one	3	11.54%
Voters: 26. You may not vote on this poll

11-25-2010, 01:29 PM	#1 (permalink)
campy Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Canada Posts: 11,868	What should I do now? Last weekend my sister in law, in a drunken state, had a horrible screaming fight with me, also in a drunken state, about my parents, my childhood, how I was treated special compared to my brother (one of three) who was scarred by his upbringing. My dad was not always father of the year. I had a MAJOR problem with her ravings, major...I am having a very hard time getting over this exchange. I don't know what to do now. We have always gotten along, I still like her, love my brother, love their kids but this has raked up some pretty resentful feelings. She ruined my night and weekend and I haven't been able to stop dwelling on it since. What should I do now to repair the relationship?
(Offline)

11-25-2010, 03:03 PM	#2 (permalink)
campy Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Canada Posts: 11,868	Thank you! THis is great advice, especially the cooling off point. I thought about telling my brother, her husband, and letting him know how I felt about her comments that I felt were poisonous to any healthy relationship he or their kids might have with my parents. I feel like maybe it would just be brushed off because of the booze thing and i'm afraid to throw this at his feet. It really would put him in the middle between me, his wife and our folks. I don't know.... Maybe my other SIL, she is level headed, knows my whole family...has had battles with my dad... I wish I could just forget it but it was so toxic, it was a relationship changing conversation.... Thanks for the advice
(Offline)

11-25-2010, 04:16 PM	#3 (permalink)
funnygurl1979 Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Aldergrove, B.C. Posts: 170	Things from different perspectives. I agree with Slampokes, take time and chill. My brother, sister and I have different ideas of what our childhood was like. Our Father was not a saint but my siblings hero worship him. I remember a different story, more absences and passive agressive silences. I'm the oldest kid, is your brother the oldest too?
(Offline)

11-25-2010, 06:39 PM	#4 (permalink)
RoundAbout Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Los Angeles, CA Posts: 336	take a chill pill
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11-25-2010, 07:11 PM	#5 (permalink)
DWarrior Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: NYC Posts: 4,046	She's a sister in law? How the fuck does she know about your bro's upbringing? This actually sounds like your brother's a little whiny pussy ass bitch who keeps lamenting about his past to his wife, so one drunken night she finally couldn't handle the secrets and broke down. Seems like brother's the root of this one.
(Offline)

11-25-2010, 10:08 PM	#6 (permalink)
The Girl Chamsa! Chamsa! Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: NYC, baby! Posts: 1,352	Write it out! Write her a letter that you know you'll never send. Tell her off completely. Don't hold back. Then throw it out. Wait a couple days and try to write a letter that you WOULD SEND her. Don't send it Wait a couple of days a write a new one. This one will be more calm. Try to keep your language about how YOU felt and not about what SHE did or does. For example: I felt like I was losing a friend Instead of: you were so mean People don't respond well to accusations. Wait a couple days after writing the last letter and see if you like it then It's so devastating to fight with family. It can be life altering. Take a breath. Keep perspective.
(Offline)

11-25-2010, 10:09 PM	#7 (permalink)
The Girl Chamsa! Chamsa! Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: NYC, baby! Posts: 1,352	Oh and distroy all letters you don't send. It does you no good to hold on to it and someone will find it and take it the wrong way
(Offline)

11-25-2010, 11:59 PM	#10 (permalink)
doug Member Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: Dallas Via Detroitish Posts: 72	Murder suicide. Everyone wins.
(Offline)

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