What should I do now?

[marina]

Originally Posted by doug

One experience I have had that might be helpful is that my ex's dad was a real shit bag when she was a kid and she used to tell me about it and then get confused why I had a hard time getting along with her dad. You and your bro know what happened but your SIL only knows what he tells her and that's probably all bad and all biased towards him.

It's an issue of disparate information.

I have done this to Dr. Boyfriend and now I'm making an effort to cool it. After 7 years, almost all the stories have been told, but I'm trying to be less negative about my childhood in general. I forget that if people weren't there, they're not going to get the nuances of the experience out of my random stories.

[campy]

Ok
I sent the letter, written once, gone over with the boyfriend, tempered and rewritten...Here's what I said

I felt there was a need to clear the air over the fight we had at the spa. It has taken me time to simmer down and focus my thoughts as I was very offended and hurt by our conversation. I am going to keep my point simple, I am uncomfortable with discussing my upbringing and my parents. I would prefer from this point forward not to bring up these topics, sober or drunk. I felt the tone of the argument was judgmental and I am very very sensitive to this. I don't like what you had say that night but now I feel I have to move on as I am afraid it will get in the way of our friendship. We both had too much to drink and I know I said some things that I would have said totally differently had I been sober and I am sure I said things that hurt your feelings that night; I can be cutting when I am mad and defensive.

The truth is I want to forget about that 15 minute fight but I am struggling to do that.

I don't think either of us should have to apologize for how we feel, maybe for how we behaved but that's another story. I just wanted to let you know that I cannot handle these kinds of confrontations, not with you, my brothers, the husband....nobody. I am extremely uncomfortable and defensive with them so really it's not a good place to go with me.


So let's move forward and not look back at the things that hurt us