chuck norris fan?

[spooky]

these are ripped from another forum, holy crap, someone loves chuck!

1. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

2. A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.

3. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

4. Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

5. The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.

6. Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

7. Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

8. When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.

9. Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".

10. Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with five times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.

11. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

12. When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."

13. Chuck Norris took my virginity, and he will sure as hell take yours. If you're thinking to yourself, "That's impossible, I already lost my virginity.", then you are dead wrong.

14. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

15. Chuck Norris once tried to sue Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr., insisting that that actually is "his" way.

[rellek]

Remember those Chuck Norris action figures, no? I actually had a bunch of them as a kid, I was into ninjas and definitely Chuck Norris. When he was on Walker, Texas Ranger all childhood memories were destroyed.

Link to images of Chuck Norris action figures > http://www.virtualtoychest.com/chuck...ucknorris.html

[the big lebowski]

these are all from http://i-am-bored.com/bored_link.cfm?link_id=12369

it's a chuck norris random fact generator. if it doesn't come up w/ one from the link, you have to refresh (f5) the screen to come up w/ one, and refresh everytime you want to see another one.

my signature this week is a quote from it. my fave so far is

"chuck norris once wanted to prove that cancer wasn't such a big deal. so he smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and got 7 different forms of cancer only to heal himself by flexing his muscles for 30 minutes."

and

"chuck norris is such a man that his happy trail goes from his chin to his taint."

[Laphroaig]

Originally Posted by spooky

these are ripped from another forum, holy crap, someone loves chuck!

The two Chucks made great films when I was a kid / impressionable teenager, although it is probably best not to see these films again now.

Chuck Norris taking care of business and bad dudes with a cunning combination of martial arts and crappy one liners. Charles Bronson taking care of business and bad dudes with guns and ammo left over from Vietnam, sometimes with a Grandad that had some guns and ammo left over from the Korean war. You didn't have to worry about crappy one liners with Bronson, I'm pretty sure he didn't speak in his films but just stared enigmatically at bad dudes.

You could tell the two chucks were happy enough to admit they were ripping off script ideas and acting tips from Clint Eastwood, every bad Japanese or Chinese martial arts film, and a million other earlier films.

In the end they weren't pretending that they invented the "saving the family / poor widow from the evil corporate bastards with a combination of cunning and extreme violence" film, unlike some who came later: cough, cough, Seagal, cough.

[EastTexas]

I still like him, he's always doing nice things in the community down here. He's just started some new fighting league too.

As silly as Walker Texas Ranger was sometimes, it's still always fun to recognize the landmarks and realize I've been there. I've been at just about every strip club they visited on the show. (I can mark that off the list.)

[the big lebowski]

did you know that the only time that chuck norris ever fucked up is when he thought he fucked up.

[Nick Postagulous]

The six million dollar man could kick Chuck's ass. In slow mo.

[mikhail]

i heart chuck norris!

[rellek]

Originally Posted by mikhail

i heart chuck norris!

To dig up a thread as old as this you must really love Chuck.

[mikhail]

Originally Posted by rellek

To dig up a thread as old as this you must really love Chuck.

if i could marry him i would