1816: Carlos Danger

[Scumhook]

I'm testing out a theory that the anti-oxidants in red wine remove the need for me to drink water or do any form of exercise.

I have a parallel study going with highland vs speyside single malts.

I'm basically donating my body to science.

[Enunciated Piffle]

Some would call your actions 'heroic' there Scummy. I would agree.

[Scumhook]

Originally Posted by Enunciated Piffle

Some would call your actions 'heroic' there Scummy. I would agree.

Labels and compartmentalisation are the bane of our society.

However, if you have to use words like "Hero", "Studmuffin", "Visionary", or "oh you fucking wanker how many times do I have to tell you where the fucking vegemite is - if I come over there and fucking find it, I'm going to shove it up your arsehole"; then who am I to object?

[DJQuad]

Originally Posted by Scumhook

I'm basically donating my body to science.

Science fiction?

Believe me I was debating whether or not to make that stupid joke.

Damn this jug wine.

[Keith]

I knew the old Quad was still in there.

[Scumhook]

Originally Posted by DJQuad

Damn this jug wine.

Fancy.

Bear in mind, my country invented wine in a box.

[DJQuad]

Originally Posted by Keith

I knew the old Quad was still in there.

Pipe down or I'll post the pics of you in your underpants from like 7 years ago when I fixed your cam.

Remember that? We were debating live shows but your cam wouldn't work. I remotely connected to your computer, installed the cam drivers, then suddenly it worked. I guess you didn't have much faith that I'd get it working based on your attire.

Now THAT was funny. Good times. I've never seen a brighter shade of red.

P.S. I didn't take any screenshots but I wish I did, especially if you are running for congress.

[DJQuad]

Originally Posted by Scumhook

Fancy.

Bear in mind, my country invented wine in a box.

Oh you're French?

(long read, but funny)

French Military History in a Nutshell

Gallic Wars: Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian.

Hundred Years War: Mostly lost, saved at last by a female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare - "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchmen."

Italian Wars: Lost. France becomes the first and only country ever to lose two wars when fighting Italians.

Wars of Religion: France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots.

Thirty Years' War: France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her.

War of Devolution: Tied; Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux.

The Dutch War: Tied.

War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War: Lost, but claimed as a tie. Deluded Frogophiles the world over label the period as the height of French Military Power.

War of the Spanish Succession: Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved ever since.

American Revolution: In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare: "France only wins when America does most of the fighting".

French Revolution: Won, primarily due to the fact that the opponent was also French.

The Napoleonic Wars: Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.

The Franco-Prussian War: Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.

WWI: Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States. Thousands of French women find out what it's like not only to sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline.

WWII: Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.

War in Indochina: Lost. French forces plead sickness, take to bed with Dien Bien Flu.

Algerian Rebellion: Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a Western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare -"We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese, and Eskimos.

War on Terrorism: France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe.

[Scumhook]

Originally Posted by DJQuad

Oh you're French?

Ouch. That's probably the most offensive thing anyone's ever called me.

No, you fucking cunt, I'm an Aussie. I thought we invented box wine. If we didn't then we're down to only inventing the rotary clothes line.

I get my France info here: https://encyclopediadramatica.se/France

[DJQuad]

Originally Posted by Scumhook

Ouch. That's probably the most offensive thing anyone's ever called me.

No, you fucking cunt, I'm an Aussie.

Oh, you're the descendant of criminals that were shipped to what we now know as Australia. My bad.

What do you call a lazy baby kangaroo?
A pouch potato!

I apologize.