1496: Thinking Ahead

[Medium Brumski]

I like that my birthday is around Thanksgiving, every year I get a little preferential treatment during the family holiday. If my b-day was in, say June, no family member is going to travel any long distance just for my day, but they will for Thanksgiving.

I could see getting the shaft if your b-day was around Christmas, but only if your family typically spent alot on gifts anyway. We stop getting birthday gifts around 13, and have never thrown a birthday party that cost more then the price of some food.

[Carruthers]

Originally Posted by Cretaceous Bob

I might start saying my birthday is a day in summer rather than my actual birthday.

Or do the regal thing and have an official birthday. Our madge has her birthday on April 21 but also has an official birthday. As this may vary by country, well, you can see where this is going ...

[marina]

My birthday is Jan 14, and I always felt like I got a little shafted in the birthday department, but whether that is because of the timing, or the cheapness of my grandmother, I do not know. But in LA you can always have an outdoor birthday, so most of my parties were in the park.

I'm trying to have a regular relationship with my birthday as an adult, but there are still a lot of weird feelings I have about it. I was always made to feel that my birthday was really difficult and annoying for everyone involved, and as a teenager, I didn't want to inconvenience anybody by making them go out of their way for me, but I deeply wanted someone to honor my birthday, so I would end up not telling anybody it was my birthday and then being sad the whole day about how nobody got me anything or even wished me happy birthday.

Eventually, I tried to arrange some badly put together, last minute parties that no one could attend, usually because it was so last minute, or so close to Christmas, and I would be even more heartbroken because instead of my friends not knowing, they knew and didn't have the time or interest in my birthday.

Now I put more planning in birthdays, and I have more realistic expectations of birthday celebrations, and I'm more interested in celebrating myself first, instead of being celebrated by others. I had to get over the fact that my birthdays in childhood were just a microcosm of my life at that time, which is that no one wanted to deal with me, and I was overwhelmingly seen as a burden. As an adult, birthdays would bring back that feeling, but I couldn't get swallowed by it, I had to make my own birthday memories, even if it was painful to even acknowledge that it was my birthday.

[stulagu]

Originally Posted by kimbot

This is a hard poll to answer!

I want to feel for you, Keith. I get that you wanted to save up money for the trip and yada yada yada..but Keith..it's her birthday! We say the thought counts, and it does, but the actions (or lack of) counts as well.

I used to get caught up about Valentines Day, Christmas, Birthdays, Anniversaries...what a mistake. Who cares if that one day is not celebrated the way you're told by others that you're supposed to.

My husband is not romantic in the traditional way. He doesn't go overboard and buy me gifts. If I don't write important dates on the calendar, he doesn't remember them. But you know what, he gets up at 6am to shovel all the snow in the middle of winter so I don't have to. THAT is romance. He is an amazing father, he tells me he loves me at least once a day. THAT is romance.

We barely exchange gifts anymore. It isn't because we dont care and aren't thinking, it is because I find it rediculous to spend money on something I don't need. I'd much rather get a surprise where he buys a necklace for me on a whim because he saw me eye it. Or that he makes me pancakes and serves me in bed. Neither of our feelings are hurt.

And we also don't spend a ton of money on our kids at Christmas. They are little, they can handle one new toy and be over the moon. I don't get how commercialized all of this is.

To each their own, but I think if Keith has been sending her little things and being romantic in little ways, that is more than enough. Missing a birthday present but remembering the day is just fine.

[stulagu]

Originally Posted by Medium Brumski

I like that my birthday is around Thanksgiving, every year I get a little preferential treatment during the family holiday. If my b-day was in, say June, no family member is going to travel any long distance just for my day, but they will for Thanksgiving.

I could see getting the shaft if your b-day was around Christmas, but only if your family typically spent alot on gifts anyway. We stop getting birthday gifts around 13, and have never thrown a birthday party that cost more then the price of some food.

My sister's ex's birthday was Christmas Day and they moved their Christmas celebrations to the 26th and the 25th was HIS DAY. And family had to celebrate both. I find that fairly rediculous.

[Dean from Australia]

Valentine's Day is a big pile of horse shit. As is Christmas, Easter, Thanks giving and Mother's/Father's Day.

But birthdays...you don't fuck up birthdays.

[stulagu]

Originally Posted by Dean from Australia

Valentine's Day is a big pile of horse shit. As is Christmas, Easter, Thanks giving and Mother's/Father's Day.

But birthdays...you don't fuck up birthdays.

I forgot my own birthday this year...it is just another day. I treat myself when I want, not reserve it for just one day. And I surprise my husband with trips or a night out on a random day rather than our anniversary. But this attitude may be a part of being a wedding photographer because you really don't have the luxury of taking a day off. I've shot weddings on my kids' birthdays on my own anniversary, etc.

I honestly think it is just a day...though I absolutely understand that people want to feel special...but does it HAVE to be on that specific day?

[Dean from Australia]

Originally Posted by stulagu

I honestly think it is just a day...though I absolutely understand that people want to feel special...but does it HAVE to be on that specific day?

It becomes a question of what is your personal jesus I guess.

[stulagu]

Originally Posted by Dean from Australia

It becomes a question of what is your personal jesus I guess.

I guess...and I can understand why people really want a day where they can do/have whatever they want, but I really don't think most people are like Chemda that skip down the street when it is their birthday. I think society has told them that their guy HAS to do these things or he doesn't love you.

I agree with Chemda's view of knowing what someone is expecting and make sure you're ok with that before you move on in the relationship.