1975: Ballbag Surprise

[PsychoLoco]

Originally Posted by Scumhook

This mat situation is spiralling out of control. Keith needs to get out in front of it ASAP.

I recommend mounting claymores hooked up to a pressure plate under this divisive mat. Next person to step on the mat gets chopped in half.

When the partner runs out to see what happened, Keith leaps out from his hiding place and stabs them in the eye with a screwdriver.

He then wipes his prints off the screwdriver, pulls out a bag of Danny's shit (which he collected after letting Danny win a bet that he wouldn't shit in a bag) and smears it all over the crime scene.

Wash up. Walk Huggsy. Return to the scene of the crime & act shocked and "accidentally" mention how upset Danny was about the mat.

Yep. It's the perfect crime.

Or, Keith could hack the camera on the guy's phone and monitor him until he goes to sleep. Then take the chopper from his balcony to the roof and mix up some nerve gas. Repel down the other side of the building and pump the gas into his neighbor's apartment. Once dead, drop the corpse down the garbage chute, pick the locks on the door to the basement's boiler room, cremate the body, and spread the ashes on the mat. Then Keith can move the mat across the hallway in front of his door.

[ImStillToni]

Originally Posted by PsychoLoco

Fair enough. Does VistaPrint make doormats? There was another sponsor a while back that made custom houseware, like cutting boards and barbecue utensil sets, do they make doormats? Let's all send Keith and Cat some 30"x30" customized "I live next to a douchecanoe!" doormats.

If VistaPrint does custom doormat printing I'm more partial to "HELLO is this mat too big to you?"

I'm all for passive aggressive games with the neighbors. Oh snap I wonder if Keith secretly loved Neighbors and wants to go to war with the douchecanoe just for shits & giggles! Let's be real here, Keith sounded so much like that old ass neighbor who has lived in NYC apartments for 60+ years and does not take kindly to this noob who attempted to disturb the precious balance of hallway to mat size 😂😂😂😂

[PsychoLoco]

I suppose the ultimate in passive aggressive would be to buy the guy a microwave as a house-warming gift and let the him kill himself with radiation poisoning.

[Scumhook]

Originally Posted by PsychoLoco

Or, Keith could hack the camera on the guy's phone and monitor him until he goes to sleep. Then take the chopper from his balcony to the roof and mix up some nerve gas. Repel down the other side of the building and pump the gas into his neighbor's apartment. Once dead, drop the corpse down the garbage chute, pick the locks on the door to the basement's boiler room, cremate the body, and spread the ashes on the mat. Then Keith can move the mat across the hallway in front of his door.

Nice work. I forgot you were from the Ukraine.

You probably came out of the womb knowing 6 different ways to kill a man with basic household implements, so mat-vengance right up your alley.

[bithead]

Even mat distributors don't talk about mats this much.

[dEadERest]

Rams Defensive Captain James Laurinaitis



Michael Sam will be fine. Go Rams!

[Keith]

He's gotta keep those triceps working forever or that's gonna look a little ridiculous.

[dEadERest]

long before then chronic traumatic encephalopathy will kick in and it won't really matter