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Old 03-27-2019, 05:00 PM   #1 (permalink)
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3048: God Made Me w/ Calvin Cato

Captain Marvel, Green Book, and speed dating; Godís plan for you; Chick-fil-Aís anti-LGBTQ donations

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Calvin Cato



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Old 03-28-2019, 02:13 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Chemda, do you think that everyone who has kids is unhappy and is trying to trick you into having one? ( hysterical, historical...)

I think you might only see one side on this one and I always feel strange when you are starting this argument.

It’s not easy, but I love it, that’s my experience. Am I wrong for not be unhappy?
Should I try harder to be unhappy to fit the expectations?

And about the argument that marriages are breaking with kids. Marriages are breaking just fine without kids also.
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Old 03-28-2019, 08:38 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Chemda, do you think that everyone who has kids is unhappy and is trying to trick you into having one? ( hysterical, historical...)

I think you might only see one side on this one and I always feel strange when you are starting this argument.

Itís not easy, but I love it, thatís my experience. Am I wrong for not be unhappy?
Should I try harder to be unhappy to fit the expectations?

And about the argument that marriages are breaking with kids. Marriages are breaking just fine without kids also.
This has been exactly my experience too though. Parents will complain about their hellscape of a life and then ask when I'm having kids. I always want to say, "Well, you just talked me out of it."

Keep in mind that raising kids in the US is much more difficult and stressful here than where you are in Europe. Terrible schools, violence, unaffordable child care, very expensive health insurance, the list goes on and on.
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Old 03-28-2019, 08:45 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Chemda, do you think that everyone who has kids is unhappy and is trying to trick you into having one? ( hysterical, historical...)

I think you might only see one side on this one and I always feel strange when you are starting this argument.

Itís not easy, but I love it, thatís my experience. Am I wrong for not be unhappy?
Should I try harder to be unhappy to fit the expectations?

And about the argument that marriages are breaking with kids. Marriages are breaking just fine without kids also.

I really think you take these comments way too personally. In this instance, she was clearly speaking about a very specific type of parent - the ones who insist to childfree people that they need to have kids, who keep pushing that line even after being told by the childfree person that they are very happy with their decision, and who make this exaggerated show of how they're doing the most important job in the world by having a kid. It's a very specific type of person. If that's not you, then she isn't talking about you.

These comments were made during a conversation about how people have these ingrained ideas about what "the perfect family" is, and how people who don't conform to that face moral outrage over it.
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Old 03-28-2019, 10:38 AM   #5 (permalink)
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This has been exactly my experience too though. Parents will complain about their hellscape of a life and then ask when I'm having kids. I always want to say, "Well, you just talked me out of it."

Keep in mind that raising kids in the US is much more difficult and stressful here than where you are in Europe. Terrible schools, violence, unaffordable child care, very expensive health insurance, the list goes on and on.
People love to bitch about their lives though. Doesn't mean they actually dislike what's going on. Like, I bitch about my job all the time. Truth is I love my new job and I just need to vent my frustrations about the difficulty.
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Old 03-28-2019, 10:42 AM   #6 (permalink)
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I really think you take these comments way too personally. In this instance, she was clearly speaking about a very specific type of parent - the ones who insist to childfree people that they need to have kids, who keep pushing that line even after being told by the childfree person that they are very happy with their decision, and who make this exaggerated show of how they're doing the most important job in the world by having a kid. It's a very specific type of person. If that's not you, then she isn't talking about you.

These comments were made during a conversation about how people have these ingrained ideas about what "the perfect family" is, and how people who don't conform to that face moral outrage over it.
At the same time, some people do react to the extreme. There are 16 year Olds that are like "oh my god my grandma made a comment about assuming I'll have kids one day. Look at this breeder culture".

A coworker the other day asked me if I have kids "yet" and then gave me a recommendation about child wellbeing based on something she was experiencing presently. A part of me is like "that's sure an assumption" but then the other part of me was like "no she isn't meaning anything bad by it. She's just trying to connect with me and share her experiences with me as a way of showing she cares"
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Old 03-28-2019, 01:00 PM   #7 (permalink)
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At the same time, some people do react to the extreme. There are 16 year Olds that are like "oh my god my grandma made a comment about assuming I'll have kids one day. Look at this breeder culture".

A coworker the other day asked me if I have kids "yet" and then gave me a recommendation about child wellbeing based on something she was experiencing presently. A part of me is like "that's sure an assumption" but then the other part of me was like "no she isn't meaning anything bad by it. She's just trying to connect with me and share her experiences with me as a way of showing she cares"

That's certainly true, and people who sneer "breeder" at people or refer to "shitting babies" are disgusting. Chemda doesn't do that.

Edit: I'm 42, and got married at 41. I'm lucky that my mom has always been the type that just wanted me to be happy, and my brother gave her grandchildren, so she accepted my decision to not have kids years ago and doesn't push. My husband's mother, on the other hand, brings it up every time I see her. We continue to smile and be polite, but at a certain point, when someone has told you 100 times that they've talked it over and decided that they don't want college kids at age 60, it's time to drop it.
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Last edited by Blitzgal; 03-28-2019 at 01:05 PM.
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Old 03-28-2019, 01:28 PM   #8 (permalink)
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I really think you take these comments way too personally. In this instance, she was clearly speaking about a very specific type of parent - the ones who insist to childfree people that they need to have kids, who keep pushing that line even after being told by the childfree person that they are very happy with their decision, and who make this exaggerated show of how they're doing the most important job in the world by having a kid. It's a very specific type of person. If that's not you, then she isn't talking about you.

These comments were made during a conversation about how people have these ingrained ideas about what "the perfect family" is, and how people who don't conform to that face moral outrage over it.
Yes, but it’s not the first time.
I never heard Chemda say anything else but „ people with kids are miserable, tired and their relationships are shitty“
Im pretty sure if I started saying things like „ people without kids can never be really happy“ or „ they all are only concerned with themselves“ ( not what I believe)
It would make many people very angry. Just realize that parents are not all the same, boring, unhappy crowd.
I’m sure some of them are, but don’t generalize so much.

Last edited by Apia; 03-28-2019 at 01:32 PM.
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Old 03-28-2019, 01:30 PM   #9 (permalink)
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This has been exactly my experience too though. Parents will complain about their hellscape of a life and then ask when I'm having kids. I always want to say, "Well, you just talked me out of it."

Keep in mind that raising kids in the US is much more difficult and stressful here than where you are in Europe. Terrible schools, violence, unaffordable child care, very expensive health insurance, the list goes on and on.
Maybe. I have only my experience and can’t compare.
But Europeans are still people?

I said it often, if you don’t want to have kids, don’t.
Wanting to do it is part of doing a good job.

It’s like with having a dog.
If you want to have a dog, you will enjoy the work, the walks and will not mind dog hair everywhere.
If someone forced you to have a dog you would hate it.

Yes, I just compared kids to a dog. It’s my parent/dog owner privilege.

Last edited by Apia; 03-28-2019 at 01:41 PM.
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Old 03-28-2019, 02:13 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Maybe. I have only my experience and canít compare.
But Europeans are still people?

I said it often, if you donít want to have kids, donít.
Wanting to do it is part of doing a good job.

Itís like with having a dog.
If you want to have a dog, you will enjoy the work, the walks and will not mind dog hair everywhere.
If someone forced you to have a dog you would hate it.

Yes, I just compared kids to a dog. Itís my parent/dog owner privilege.
Except nobody goes to a job they hate for 30 years so their dog can have health insurance and an education.
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