3105: Feelings Words w/ Andrea Allan

[Michael's Servant]

Andrea re-finds love; edibles in spin class; Keith receives talk therapy; sugar babies and daddies’ rules

Guest:
Andrea Allan



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[Keith]

When I heard back Monday’s show I heard I said that my dad is annoying.

That’s the feelings word. I’m annoyed.

Not angry. Not sad. Annoyed.

[AstoriaGirl]

I would sum up Keith's emotional experience regarding his father as "wanting to be over it but continually shocked that the bottom to his misbehavior is lower than what you previously thought before". It seems like you felt betrayed by father Malley contacting your ex and trying to undermine your relationship with Kyle.

Before my dad died I had basically done 5 years of prep work of "my father is going to die early from his alcoholism" and so when he did die I was like "yeah I basically already grieved all of this, I'm not surprised and I was sad for 5 years so there's not much left to feel now". But man some of my coworkers were assholes about my lack of feeling and it's partially why I left.

[rdelfin]

¡Hola Andréa, hola Chemda, hola Keith!

I don't know... was I perceiving a little bit of downplaying from K. when both A. & C. were earnestly trying to provide a safe space for him to at least acknowledge how much "I'm not sad / angry" he is not?

Now "annoyed" has been thrown out there as an answer to fill in the blank... hmm... sounds like not quite what I heard between the lines. (I could be wrong)

YOU WELCOME K. .... Kidding!! geesh

[Bucho]

I feel Keith a lot more on this one. I get why Chemda and Andrea were frustrated and angling to see him as being defensive but I felt like his Spooky shrugs were legit. This shit isn't new to him.

Keith had been processing his dad's uselessness (including in writing, which is pretty dang therapeutic) for at least a couple of decades before he even met Chemda, let alone started the show. The crime is far in the past for him. Chemda was still at war with herself regarding her parents until fairly recently.

Trauma is caused by shocking loss. The loss of trust that comes with betrayal is an example. Chemda felt betrayed by her parents and by her ex-husband because she had trusted them. Keith never felt betrayed by his dad because he had never trusted his dad. His dad's tricks failed from essentially the very beginning, so there was never* any trust in his dad to be lost.

(In addition to the massive difference in recency there's also the thing where Chemda's brothers didn't experience what she experienced, and continues to experience, while Keith shares the experience of his father with at least some of his siblings.)


* At least as far as Keith's memory stretches back - see Sparrow's thing about a crying baby who learned that crying is pointless.

[Keith]

Thanks to a listener, Amanda L., I found another word.

Contempt.

Contempt: the feeling that a person or a thing is beneath consideration, worthless, or deserving scorn.

[Archimedes_Screw]

I’ve thoroughly enjoyed the Keith, the girl, and the girl episodes this week.

Get Andrea’s album! So fucking funny.

[Steph]

Recently I learned people respond to trauma in different ways. Some people actually experience post-traumatic growth instead of post-traumatic stress disorder.

This podcast gave me this information:
https://unfuckyourbrain.com/trauma/

It might be that Keith is not experiencing his emotions but it could also be that he is not traumatized. Everyone is different.

[panicBoy]

Keith, do you feel you’re getting something out of this? Comeuppance? Is this helping you move forward intellectually/emotionally? Like it’s you being in control of him for once and that feels like a way to move on, even if only incrementally?

I’ve been hearing these awful stories for 14 years. Trust me when I say that I’m 💯 behind it. It’s nice to hear FM getting some very deserved fuckin’-with. Anyone who is squicked-out by the diabolical tactics and clear speed traps of NotCat’s emails hasn’t been listening to what a bad guy FM really is. Keith’s been telling us. And it’s thrilling to hear the bully get thrown around.

[Enunciated Piffle]

“What are your feelings towards this complete stranger?”

I don’t know. They seem mentally ill.

“What if I told you they’re a blood relative?”

I still feel nothing. I dunno. I guess they’re a weirdo AND a total stranger..?

“...it’s just sad you can’t access your emotions...”

Ok.