3416: Home Sweet Home

[Keith]

Chemda gets another care package from the mom that isn’t talking to her, and Keith joins his siblings to visit his mom in assisted living with an extended cameo from his dad. New to KATG? Be sure to also visit KATG.com/DAD

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[littlp]

I just started this episode because I couldn’t wait. And I fucking KNEW your dad would be a pain in the ass for the nursing home staff. They all curse when they see him coming through the doors. And I’m sure he’s been talked to many times.


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[littlp]

Yeah I knew your dad was a narcissistic piece of shit before but Jesus Christ. I’m not at all surprised that your mom hid money from your dad. Sad that he’s squandering it away. He’s likely not going to be found incompetent to manage his finances because people are allowed to make bad decisions and mistakes. I just hope your siblings don’t try to rescue him when he does spend all of the money.

Dementia sucks. It basically is the brain dying and the first part of the brain to go is the frontal lobe where reasoning and impulse control is. That is why we see people acting out sexually and in other ways. They get a thought and they do it. And they do revert back to a certain point in their lives. It can change every day. I’ve had Veterans revert back to their time in war, the service, jail etc. and since a lot of them never talked about it with their family it is a nasty surprise.

Your mom is likely not in any distress. And if she ever is it’ll be short and she won’t remember. I’ll bet the staff loves her. I hate that they have to deal with your dad. That poor social worker has probably had to have more conversations with your dad than she ever wanted to over the stupid shit he’s pulled.

And Chemda-it is fucked up that your mom is still sending care packages trying to guilt you into talking with her.


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[Scorpion]

My Mom used to hide money from my Dad. She said anytime she had money he would ask a million questions on where she got it and why she needed it. in the mid 70's she got her drivers license and bought herself a car. He was mad about it but she had a job of her own at that point and told him she could do what she wanted with her money and was sick of walking 5 miles each way to work.

He was never happy that she felt the need to have a job but she didn't like having to have explain and justify anything she wanted.

He was a bit controlling and had other issues. I understand he sounds like a big jerk but he did love my Mom very much. He got better as time went on and took really good care of her when she got sick even though by then they were separated for many years.

[Hera Again]

It was heartbreaking to hear about Keith’s visit with his Mom. I’ve been thru it with my dad. I don’t know if he ever recognized me as his daughter but i would just smile and talk to him in a gentle tone, and it was nice. Read to him. Bringing music that your loved one enjoyed helps a lot - people with dementia really respond to that. They do get tired out quickly tho, and i wouldn't take it seriously when Keith’s mom indicated ‘don’t visit again.’

[Svage]

yeeesh, sorry to hear about your mom Keith.

I'm not surprised your dad got a talking to.

Chemda mentioned getting the government involved in taking over his finances because hes being reckless. Its called a conservatorship, its what Britney Spears has, you and the siblings could say hes losing his marbles and appoint someone as the conservator.

also, i believe if he racks up debt and dies you're not responsible for the debt. what would most likely happen is the debt collectors would be first in line and would try to recoup what they're owed by taking his estate, or whatever is left of it. And then you guys would be next to get what's left if there is anything left or owed to you.

[Scorpion]

Originally Posted by Svage

...
also, i believe if he racks up debt and dies you're not responsible for the debt. what would most likely happen is the debt collectors would be first in line and would try to recoup what they're owed by taking his estate, or whatever is left of it. And then you guys would be next to get what's left if there is anything left or owed to you.

All before funeral services are paid of course. Then if they take everything the children have to pay for the funeral fees.

as for the conservatorship they are hard to get and you will need a good lawyer and probably several doctors to agree assuming of course he fights it. I can't imagine he wouldn't. I'm not an expert by any means but I know someone who tried to do this with her mother and one sibling helped fight it and that took a lot credibility from the one trying to make it happen. Especially if I remember right one sibling testified not against the conservatorship but in doubt of it. In the end the siblings agreed to keep a very close eye on the mother and it came out okay in the end. The mom in this case was no Father Malley of course so there is that...

Naturally the judge makes the biggest difference. Come to think of it - if you could tell your dad that the Judge is a Mormon or Jehovah's witness or maybe you could tell him the Judge doesn't believe Daniel was all that! Then your dad will bore or irritate the judge into agreement!

Jokes aside I hope it all works out with as little additional pain to you, your Mom and siblings as possible.

[Scorpion]

Originally Posted by Scorpion

He was never happy that she felt the need to have a job but she didn't like having to have explain and justify anything she wanted.

I remember the day I came home from school and mom had bought a new TV. Dad was mad he said he didn't want to buy a color TV until they perfected it. Mom just rolled her eyes and said well when they do you can buy that one. This was in 1976. I bought the next TV so my mom could have one in her room when she got sick in the 80's and had days she couldn't get out of bed.

[litlokc]

My Grandma had Alzheimer's. As things progressed, my Grandpa would discover little things my Grandma had set in a "Safe" space. Pictures of us Grandkids, inbetween pages of books...Like 10 photos in a book. There were awards or newspaper clippings about her children or grandchildren in the cookbook. I believe there was a pot in the cupboard with things that held a memory for her. So after she passed, I was given some of the photos and newpaper clippings about me she saved. Photo's I don't recall seeing, clippings that I had not kept. Those programs for all the school and scouts things, she had collected.
This show brought back alot of memories, and the rediscovering of an emotion I had not felt in a while.