Moving on.

[poingjam]

Hi. I'm Lucas. Some of you may remember me. I used to be an intern, then a not-intern. It's been over two years since I had any association with KATG and I'm still having trouble moving on. Maybe this post will serve as psychological fiber.

I listened to KATG for years as a young adult. Formative years, looking back. The opinions of the hosts became mine. I ran things past them in my head reflexively, gauging their hypothetical reactions to my thoughts and feelings and choices. It wasn't particularly healthy, but I didn't think anything of it at the time.

I moved to New York, wound up interning for KATG, then did paid work. After about two years of it I got burnt out. For the paid work, I typically made around $5 per hour, sometimes less. The Burger-Off 2 took me between 50 and 90 hours to edit from about 9 hours of totally disorganized footage. They gave me $250 for that one. Trailers were $25, took about four hours including listening time. Show notes were $10 per episode, usually took about two hours. I came to greatly resent the hosts, but they were my friends and I put them on a pedestal, so I lived with it.

Somewhere along the way I fell in love with Chemda, and I had no idea how to tell her or deal with it internally. I jumped at every opportunity to spend time with her, and I lived for her approval. I felt like a traitor to Lauren.

Then my friend killed himself. I fell apart. Everybody said I should reach out if I needed to talk, but I was in no position to ask for help, or to make any kind of healthy/responsible choices. They did their own thing and I felt like an afterthought. After a month or two of living at the end of my rope, I tried mushrooms for the first time. Ate an eighth, maybe a quarter bag all at once. Changed my life.

I saw how much of myself I was giving to someone else's project. I have family in a cult, so I may have overreacted. Between all the listening required for work and my obsessive tendencies, I felt like I had no independent thought anymore. So I quit. Tried to be civil, thanked them for the opportunities, and disconnected from them for a while.

Chemda sent me an e-mail, said it was clear I wanted nothing to do with her. I was bitter and lashed out, sent her a nasty reply (summary: "Fuck off."). Keith asked if I wanted to call into the show, I said I wanted out entirely, and that's the last I heard from any of them. I haven't listened to an episode since, though I've often wondered how things are going for them, and whether they brought any of this up. I do think they've spread the word. People I used to do free work for and had no beef with have sent me some very cold replies since everything went down. Just a guess.

I've sent messages to Lauren, Chemda, and Keith, never heard back. I suppose they're done with me. Understandable, not great, but understandable. I feel as though they've forgotten what it's like to be young and full of bad decisions. Considering that this sort of thing keeps happening with them (Jeremy, Keith McNally, Spooky, me, maybe others), I hope they've learned not to hire their biggest fans for unpaid or underpaid work. If you're considering an internship with them (or any internship without a clear career track), I advise you to direct that time and effort toward something that you can call your own.

It's a pocket knot. Nobody's the bad guy. I fucked up plenty. I was a flake at work and a big-time procrastinator. I desperately called up my friends and acquaintances every time I had a bad night (which was most nights). I was a needy motherfucker. The hosts did plenty right by me, so I don't mean to demonize them. I still think about them pretty often and I'm tired of the bad blood. Not that I expect us to be friends again, that may be impossible on all sides.

Right. All done. Self-promotion:

I live in Portland now, make my living as a dog janitor. I write and direct short plays sometimes. My friend and I host a weekly podcast featuring poor sound quality, no ads, and 20-something angst. Every show is guaranteed to make you jaded and cynical. Check it out:
Your Ship? Hey. | Good? Good.

If anyone wants to reconnect, e-mail me at mccain@knucklewalker.com or follow @YourShipHey on Twitter.

EDIT: Y'all should make me not an administrator.

[Scumhook]

Originally Posted by poingjam

Chemda sent me an e-mail, said it was clear I wanted nothing to do with her.

Had you been emailing her asking about how Keith was doing?

[Sparrow]

oh, sweetheart, nooooooo. this was a bad idea.

[Keith]

Originally Posted by poingjam

Hi. I'm Lucas. Some of you may remember me. I used to be an intern, then a not-intern. It's been over two years since I had any association with KATG and I'm still having trouble moving on. Maybe this post will serve as psychological fiber.

I listened to KATG for years as a young adult. Formative years, looking back. The opinions of the hosts became mine. I ran things past them in my head reflexively, gauging their hypothetical reactions to my thoughts and feelings and choices. It wasn't particularly healthy, but I didn't think anything of it at the time.

I moved to New York, wound up interning for KATG, then did paid work. After about two years of it I got burnt out. For the paid work, I typically made around $5 per hour, sometimes less. The Burger-Off 2 took me between 50 and 90 hours to edit from about 9 hours of totally disorganized footage. They gave me $250 for that one. Trailers were $25, took about four hours including listening time. Show notes were $10 per episode, usually took about two hours. I came to greatly resent the hosts, but they were my friends and I put them on a pedestal, so I lived with it.

Somewhere along the way I fell in love with Chemda, and I had no idea how to tell her or deal with it internally. I jumped at every opportunity to spend time with her, and I lived for her approval. I felt like a traitor to Lauren.

Then my friend killed himself. I fell apart. Everybody said I should reach out if I needed to talk, but I was in no position to ask for help, or to make any kind of healthy/responsible choices. They did their own thing and I felt like an afterthought. After a month or two of living at the end of my rope, I tried mushrooms for the first time. Ate an eighth, maybe a quarter bag all at once. Changed my life.

I saw how much of myself I was giving to someone else's project. I have family in a cult, so I may have overreacted. Between all the listening required for work and my obsessive tendencies, I felt like I had no independent thought anymore. So I quit. Tried to be civil, thanked them for the opportunities, and disconnected from them for a while.

Chemda sent me an e-mail, said it was clear I wanted nothing to do with her. I was bitter and lashed out, sent her a nasty reply (summary: "Fuck off."). Keith asked if I wanted to call into the show, I said I wanted out entirely, and that's the last I heard from any of them. I haven't listened to an episode since, though I've often wondered how things are going for them, and whether they brought any of this up. I do think they've spread the word. People I used to do free work for and had no beef with have sent me some very cold replies since everything went down. Just a guess.

I've sent messages to Lauren, Chemda, and Keith, never heard back. I suppose they're done with me. Understandable, not great, but understandable. I feel as though they've forgotten what it's like to be young and full of bad decisions. Considering that this sort of thing keeps happening with them (Jeremy, Keith McNally, Spooky, me, maybe others), I hope they've learned not to hire their biggest fans for unpaid or underpaid work. If you're considering an internship with them (or any internship without a clear career track), I advise you to direct that time and effort toward something that you can call your own.

It's a pocket knot. Nobody's the bad guy. I fucked up plenty. I was a flake at work and a big-time procrastinator. I desperately called up my friends and acquaintances every time I had a bad night (which was most nights). I was a needy motherfucker. The hosts did plenty right by me, so I don't mean to demonize them. I still think about them pretty often and I'm tired of the bad blood. Not that I expect us to be friends again, that may be impossible on all sides.

Right. All done. Self-promotion:

I live in Portland now, make my living as a dog janitor. I write and direct short plays sometimes. My friend and I host a weekly podcast featuring poor sound quality, no ads, and 20-something angst. Every show is guaranteed to make you jaded and cynical. Check it out:
Your Ship? Hey. | Good? Good.

If anyone wants to reconnect, e-mail me at mccain@knucklewalker.com or follow @YourShipHey on Twitter.

EDIT: Y'all should make me not an administrator.

Sparrow's wrong. Whatever this is, it's a great idea. I'll read it tomorrow. See you soon.

[Keith]

Okay. I just read it. Holy shitnuts.

Well, I'm sure gonna follow him on Twitter.

[Hennessy]

Originally Posted by poingjam

Hi. I'm Lucas. Some of you may remember me. I used to be an intern, then a not-intern. It's been over two years since I had any association with KATG and I'm still having trouble moving on. Maybe this post will serve as psychological fiber.

I listened to KATG for years as a young adult. Formative years, looking back. The opinions of the hosts became mine. I ran things past them in my head reflexively, gauging their hypothetical reactions to my thoughts and feelings and choices. It wasn't particularly healthy, but I didn't think anything of it at the time.

I moved to New York, wound up interning for KATG, then did paid work. After about two years of it I got burnt out. For the paid work, I typically made around $5 per hour, sometimes less. The Burger-Off 2 took me between 50 and 90 hours to edit from about 9 hours of totally disorganized footage. They gave me $250 for that one. Trailers were $25, took about four hours including listening time. Show notes were $10 per episode, usually took about two hours. I came to greatly resent the hosts, but they were my friends and I put them on a pedestal, so I lived with it.

Somewhere along the way I fell in love with Chemda, and I had no idea how to tell her or deal with it internally. I jumped at every opportunity to spend time with her, and I lived for her approval. I felt like a traitor to Lauren.

Then my friend killed himself. I fell apart. Everybody said I should reach out if I needed to talk, but I was in no position to ask for help, or to make any kind of healthy/responsible choices. They did their own thing and I felt like an afterthought. After a month or two of living at the end of my rope, I tried mushrooms for the first time. Ate an eighth, maybe a quarter bag all at once. Changed my life.

I saw how much of myself I was giving to someone else's project. I have family in a cult, so I may have overreacted. Between all the listening required for work and my obsessive tendencies, I felt like I had no independent thought anymore. So I quit. Tried to be civil, thanked them for the opportunities, and disconnected from them for a while.

Chemda sent me an e-mail, said it was clear I wanted nothing to do with her. I was bitter and lashed out, sent her a nasty reply (summary: "Fuck off."). Keith asked if I wanted to call into the show, I said I wanted out entirely, and that's the last I heard from any of them. I haven't listened to an episode since, though I've often wondered how things are going for them, and whether they brought any of this up. I do think they've spread the word. People I used to do free work for and had no beef with have sent me some very cold replies since everything went down. Just a guess.

I've sent messages to Lauren, Chemda, and Keith, never heard back. I suppose they're done with me. Understandable, not great, but understandable. I feel as though they've forgotten what it's like to be young and full of bad decisions. Considering that this sort of thing keeps happening with them (Jeremy, Keith McNally, Spooky, me, maybe others), I hope they've learned not to hire their biggest fans for unpaid or underpaid work. If you're considering an internship with them (or any internship without a clear career track), I advise you to direct that time and effort toward something that you can call your own.

It's a pocket knot. Nobody's the bad guy. I fucked up plenty. I was a flake at work and a big-time procrastinator. I desperately called up my friends and acquaintances every time I had a bad night (which was most nights). I was a needy motherfucker. The hosts did plenty right by me, so I don't mean to demonize them. I still think about them pretty often and I'm tired of the bad blood. Not that I expect us to be friends again, that may be impossible on all sides.

Right. All done. Self-promotion:

I live in Portland now, make my living as a dog janitor. I write and direct short plays sometimes. My friend and I host a weekly podcast featuring poor sound quality, no ads, and 20-something angst. Every show is guaranteed to make you jaded and cynical. Check it out:
Your Ship? Hey. | Good? Good.

If anyone wants to reconnect, e-mail me at mccain@knucklewalker.com or follow @YourShipHey on Twitter.

EDIT: Y'all should make me not an administrator.

You are a narcissistic psychopath. Stay away from us. You're not a good friend to me or Chemda and you never really have been. You make yourself sound like a victim.
No one ever made you do shit.
We went out of our way to make your emotional climate as comfy as possible.
I'm so sick of leeches like you and Patrice and Jonnie, and other fucking assholes that only care about themselves.
We let you sleep in our house when you were lonely. You used the studio as your crash pad. Without asking. Multiple times.
As for your trouble with pay- YOU were hired, usually as a friend, usually because you came looking for work, and always knew the pay ahead of time. And agreed as a consenting adult.
Once we wanted a buddy to help us out at our BBQ-flipping burgers with us. We created a reason-AS YOUR FRIENDS- to give you money. "Hey Lucas, why don't we hire you to do something we normally would have asked ANY friend to help us with, and pay you $50 by calling it a job?" And you said, "Naw...I got out of the food industry a while ago." The FOOD INDUSTRY?! You turned down 50 free dollars and a chance to be a buddy as well as several jobs I offered you through my own fucking employers.....Because you "weren't interested." Why not turn down the meager-waged jobs that your big, bad, two faced friends offered you? Jobs that I do for money.
And then the jobs you did eagerly agree to do for KATG - you took WAAAAAAY too personally, so much that you couldn't hear edits from Keith or Chemda without breaking into tears.
And you went WAAAAAAAY over on the times you promised to have shit done. Timelines YOU set! And still they were so patient. I saw it all.
Oh and those awful hard AUDIO trailers you worked on? I think I just quiffed in my own balllsack. What?! Exactly. That's how much fucking sense you make. Ever.

YOU STAYED NIGHTS IN MY OWN HOME.

And then-
You made sure to hang out with Chemda alone and I agreed because you said you were uncomfortable. You said, "Chemda can we hang out without Lauren? I have anxiety."

FUCK YOU LUCAS.

What about Erin? I thought you loved her. I guess any girl that is with another man. You make me sick.

The people you named, that we have distanced ourselves from, were obsessive and poisonous and became downright scary at times. Just like you. They all crossed a line, as you have. Take a hint. If someone doesn't get back to you, its a nice way of saying no.

Chemda was good to you. She stood up for you. She made ME believe in you despite what I could clearly see. Things I came to see as my own fears and insecurities. Insecurities I confided in you about. And she stood up for you to EVERYONE. I STOOD UP FOR YOU.

Once more-Not as your friend anymore but as a concerned person for general humans: Get. Help.

[Scumhook]

Originally Posted by Hennessy

Fart.

TL;DR

[Keith]

Just to be clear, I'm not done with my opinion, Lucas. I just need to find time when I don't have other things on the show I "need" to talk about or guests I want to get to know.

And the longer you don't hear me saying my thoughts on the show, the angrier I'm getting and the more I'm remembering.

Motherfuck you.

Oh, but you have a new podcast you say?

You fake smug fuck. How dare you.

See you soon.

[iheartnihilism]

Originally Posted by poingjam

Then my friend killed himself. I fell apart. Everybody said I should reach out if I needed to talk, but I was in no position to ask for help, or to make any kind of healthy/responsible choices. They did their own thing and I felt like an afterthought.

Hey we're here if you want to talk.
I don't want to talk.
Okay.

Now they're the bad guy cause you feel like an "after thought"? Were they supposed to hound you to open up about your traumatic experience? Maybe pull a Good Will Hunting?

Originally Posted by Sparrow

oh, sweetheart, nooooooo. this was a bad idea.

I guess he didn't run this one by the K & C in his head.

[CsisandDesist]

Lucas, this has nothing to do with moving on. See someone, get help and grow up.