Question about gay dating?

[CuriousKlepto]

I’m very new to dating and I need to know. When should I tell a guy that I’ve never done anything with another guy before? On my very first date the guy totally freaked out cause I told him the total truth when he asked what kind of other guys I had dated. He got really weird when I told him he was the first gay guy I had ever met, and never called me back. What should say next time? And I just wanna be clear, He asked the question, It’s not like he said "You Thirsty?" and I screamed out "I’M A VIRGIN!" He wanted something and I just said how I didn’t think he was going to get it, from me, that night.

[PsychoTeddy]

Originally Posted by CuriousKlepto

I’m very new to dating and I need to know. When should I tell a guy that I’ve never done anything with another guy before? On my very first date the guy totally freaked out cause I told him the total truth when he asked what kind of other guys I had dated. He got really weird when I told him he was the first gay guy I had ever met, and never called me back. What should say next time? And I just wanna be clear, He asked the question, It’s not like he said "You Thirsty?" and I screamed out "I’M A VIRGIN!" He wanted something and I just said how I didn’t think he was going to get it, from me, that night.

The bold part is probably your biggest mistake. I mean, it's good to be honest, but you weren't even up for trying it with him?

Next time you should still be honest, but don't make it sound like you're not going to put out at all, especially at the beginning/in the middle of the date. If things go further than you want them to by all means stop it, but don't' give the impression you're not interested at the get-go.

Other than that, I'm not sure what to tell you.

[motownguy]

Maybe when it starts to get physical?

[bren]

Ok you probably need to preface your question with your details: How old are you? When you say you've started gay dating - does this mean you've been in hetero relationships before? Do you consider yourself gay or bi? And what age are the guys you are dating?

[CuriousKlepto]

I'm 20 and just starting of come out of the closet, I've never been in a relationship before, and the guy was 24. And he was starting to get physical, so I said I wasn't ready.

[PsychoTeddy]

Originally Posted by CuriousKlepto

I'm 20 and just starting of come out of the closet, I've never been in a relationship before, and the guy was 24. And he was starting to get physical, so I said I wasn't ready.

Ok, now that we have more info I'd suggest you take it as slow as you can. I've seen quite a few of my friends get into all sorts of messes by rushing into the gay scene and having as much sex as possible. By all means go out and meet people, but make sure you establish your own boundaries and protect them.

[Alexandra]

Much better information. So since you asked, here's my advice: I don't think there is any difference between gay dating and hetero dating at this point. You have virtually no experience, the world is your oyster, there are amazing experiences yet to be had, and by the way, it is possible to make a mistake. Some of those possible mistakes are little ones, and are probably necessary for character building and to help you determine what you're really looking for. Some of them can kill you. So here's the roadmap: do everything you can to avoid the deadly ones. Be careful. When that little voice in your head tells you to get out of there, beat a path to the door. Otherwise, enjoy doing what you enjoy doing with people who also enjoy the same things. Don't change who you are, don't bend your principles, set your personal boundaries and stick to them. You will meet plenty of good people that way. Some of them will be attracted to you, and you to them. Date those people. Have fun!

[marina]

I think there is a tendency for some dudes to be all about sex, especially in the gay scene where healthy sexual and emotional relationships between men aren't fostered in the general society. Some dudes are just jerks, he probably should have been on craigslist or manhunt if he just wanted to trick.

My personal advice, as a heterosewxual woman who obviously can relate to you on only so many levels: Fuck dating. If you're just coming out, you're probably just getting comfortable with yourself, if you want more than just a sexual relationship right now or you are uncomfortable with a sexual relationship, you should just do you (pun intended) for awhile. Find positive friendships with other gay men, learn from them, get confident in yourself and the other stuff will come.

[madeyeshawn]

I support the solid advice already shared. I have asked my gay friends many questions about dating and it sounds pretty much identical to the issues and questions straight couple deal with.

On a different topic I would also suggest in preparation of the day you are comfortable crossing those boundaries you should be physically prepared.

The past year I have been experimenting with a lot of anal play. There is a major difference between experimenting slowly in private with your own body and becoming comfortable (and pleasured) at your own pace. Rather than having someone else be the first person to just start sticking things in that sensitive area.

If you have not already, just pick up some but plugs and a sml/medium size dildo, it becomes a whole new world of masturbation.

And if it hurts its being done wrong or too fast, it should never hurt (risk of injury) so take your time and enjoy.

[CuriousKlepto]

Originally Posted by marina

I think there is a tendency for some dudes to be all about sex, especially in the gay scene where healthy sexual and emotional relationships between men aren't fostered in the general society. Some dudes are just jerks, he probably should have been on craigslist or manhunt if he just wanted to trick.

My personal advice, as a heterosewxual woman who obviously can relate to you on only so many levels: Fuck dating. If you're just coming out, you're probably just getting comfortable with yourself, if you want more than just a sexual relationship right now or you are uncomfortable with a sexual relationship, you should just do you (pun intended) for awhile. Find positive friendships with other gay men, learn from them, get confident in yourself and the other stuff will come.

That's one of my bigger problems. There isn't really big gay scene where I live so I have to look for gay guy friends online, most of which only want what I'm not ready to give up.