1058: The Toilet Paper Diaries

Show Notes

• — Droning Priests: God can hear you singing whether you're fancy pants or not
• — The Wedding Show: It's the wedding day, if the bride's not interested in him now... just pretend you're fucking on the table
• — Weather Mom: I havet to call Chemda, I need a reason, let's see: She's stupid, she's an idiot, I think I'll just cry
• — The Exit Row: Normally we just have Keith wear crutches, but now you can pay for the good seats
• — Pick A Dot: You pick a dot, you watch it grow, if it hits the other dot, then that dot grows also.
• — Flush Before Flying: Take your shits and pees before you get on the plane please
• — Not-A-Cunt: That's what I did, I woke up today and planned how I was going to be a cunt to Keith Malley
• — Dine And Dash: A waiter gets fired for tweeting that actress Jane Adams doesn't tip
• — Impaired Judgment: He figured the man was a robber and just threw a bunch of money at him
• — The Cooties: Some lawyer reasonably doesn't want to get swine flu and everyone makes a big deal about it
• — Saint Money: So this woman steals from people at churches, then goes back and donates to the church
• — Kid Lovers: You put your daughter in a cardboard box on top of your car and drove, you're still no Roman Polanski
• — Top Secret: Diaries consist of your dumbest thoughts that you think are your deepest thoughts
• — Potato Vendetta: First of all, warm makes bugs when a refrigerator is unplugged
• — Get Out And Ride: Note that this drink is on fire, so don't be a retard, you will be engulfed in flames and get 3rd degree burns and die
• — Green Recession: Students are asked to bring toilet paper to school. That Toiletry Education: That was a good shit, teach, I used the whole roll!
• — The Stonehenge: How much area is wasted in this world that we weren't sure what the Stonehenge shit is?
• — Good Hair: Chris Rock steals another director's idea after she showed it to him
• — Pay Your Rent: Kevin Federline is getting sued for spewing nasty-ass saliva
• — Tesla Tickets: Twenty-five dollar convenience fee, what's convenient? You took my money!