friend suicide attempt

[Apia resurrected]

Yesterday I learned that a friend of my attempted suicide and got somehow a stoke after it and is now in an ambulant clinic.
The thing is, I'm not surprised. I know her over 20 years. I know I couldn't have done anything to help her, because I know her so well and know her way of thinking and acting.
We spend in the past countless hours talking about her problems and I used to be involved more and had to separate myself from it for my sake.

Her pattern it like that: you meet her, she tells you she is doing as great as never before. That she worked so much on her in the past and now gets life and should in fact help others! That now she has found the perfect job for example where her abilities are finally recognized and now everything is heavenly. She is a lawyer and had 7 jobs in the last 10 years.
Surprise, this doesn't stay this way for long.
Pretty soon she changes her tune and everything is terrible about the job. The boss doesn't even come into her office to talk to her anymore, she obviously hates her now!
Etc.
Last time she quit her job for a new one where the commute was over 4 hours a day, because now everything would be great! It was in a hardcore finance company and of course at first she said it was the best thing that ever happened to her.
She did that knowing that she just bought a house in a remote location, a house in need of very much work.
When she bought it she said: people say to me it might be a bit much with the house and a hard job! But I have visions, like Elon Musk or Steve Jobs! I want to renovate the shed and turn it into a theater space to bring culture into this village!
When I pointed out that this seems like an own full time job she got mad.

It turned out to be too much and she said she felt so burdened with everything that she did it.
I know I can't do anything about it, but it's still bad.
Yesterday she proposed to talk to my kids about mental illness because she sees her way as an educator now and wants to go to schools and talk about it. She is still in the clinic. Because surprise, she feels as good as never before she says.
I talked to my kids about mental illness already, so no need here.

I'm not sure what to do, probably not much ? It's her journey but still I am very concerned. I fully expect her to end her life someday. But talking with her is impossible because she already has always all the answers and you guessed it, does as good as never before.

[Apia resurrected]

She is 43, no kids, has a partner.

She was in therapy before but I think she refused to take meds.
I think she might have borderline but all the doctors in the clinic should be the ones to say it.

[Keith]

God damn.

I know someone exactly like this. I knew someone else too that killed themselves. It's the worst, and after you try again and again, a little more gently each time, there's nothing you can do.

They only end up smarter and smarter until ... y'know.

Yeah, damn.

But at least I'm first with the thoughts and prayers for you. That we can ALL appreciate.

[Apia resurrected]

Originally Posted by Keith

God damn.

I know someone exactly like this. I knew someone else too that killed themselves. It's the worst, and after you try again and again, a little more gently each time, there's nothing you can do.

They only end up smarter and smarter until ... y'know.

Yeah, damn.

But at least I'm first with the thoughts and prayers for you. That we can ALL appreciate.

Thank you Keith.
I know in theory that I am out of options, and sometimes I still think, maybe I should meet her and talk to her one more time about how she doesn’t listen and her patterns…. But what would make the 124 time different from the 123 times before I tried…..

[shoebootie]

It's so hard... we want to help others, since it's in our nature as good people. But also we're jaded and grounded enough to realize you can't solve other's problems. I wish your friend luck in her recovery and getting the mental help she actually needs. Sounds like bipolar based on the highs and lows, but I'm not one to just go around diagnosing people... at least she is in a clinic and hopefully her medical professionals are helping her.

For you, as her friend, I know how heartbreaking and frustrating it is to be helpless on the sidelines, especially when you see her cycle gearing up again for another crash and burn.

[Apia resurrected]

Originally Posted by shoebootie

It's so hard... we want to help others, since it's in our nature as good people. But also we're jaded and grounded enough to realize you can't solve other's problems. I wish your friend luck in her recovery and getting the mental help she actually needs. Sounds like bipolar based on the highs and lows, but I'm not one to just go around diagnosing people... at least she is in a clinic and hopefully her medical professionals are helping her.

For you, as her friend, I know how heartbreaking and frustrating it is to be helpless on the sidelines, especially when you see her cycle gearing up again for another crash and burn.

Thank you.
I hoped that with her recent parter, who is nice and a good guy in my opinion and the house she bought, she would have some stability and act out less.
Because she would have to with her new responsibilities of a mortgage and shared ownership. The house wasn’t very expensive because of the remote location and the state it was in, but she of course immediately took out a bigger loan to make all the renovations perfect. Because she had a steady job as a lawyer at that time for 2,5 years, she got the loan.
Oh, how naive of me.
Now I am worrying how she wants to pay the mortgage. Her partner is a physical therapist who doesn’t make lots of money.
It’s clearly not my problem but I must say it to myself a lot.

[The Girl]

That’s really tough, Apia. Im glad she’s in a place where people can take care of her. And glad you’re in a place where you can share it and have as much clarity as you do.
I wish we could reach into someone and show them some light. But like you said, there’s not much we can do.
I hope the doctors can help her find what she needs.
She’s lucky to have you in her life… as are we.



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[Apia resurrected]

I talked to her on the phone a few times in the last weeks and noticed that her speech was somehow weird. I wondered if she was drunk, but now I know it was from the stroke. I noticed that something was up but also that she kept the conversations very short and there was no opportunity to really ask her about it.


Now she said she didn’t dare to tell me about it because
( it was also confusing to me):
I once said that I was always honest to my kids and she thought I wouldn’t want to talk to them about the attempt and would instead end our friendship. And she asked me if I wasn’t happy about it because it showed how important I was to her.

No I wasn’t happy. These confusing thoughts are not about me, her brain made them up. I said, no, I find it strange that you think I would be that kind of person who ends a friendship when a friend has mental problems, especially after such a long time.
It’s not that I have to tell everything I know to my kids but you probably already figured this out. I just meant that when they ask me something I try to be as honest as possible, but she made it about herself again.

[Apia resurrected]

Originally Posted by The Girl

That’s really tough, Apia. Im glad she’s in a place where people can take care of her. And glad you’re in a place where you can share it and have as much clarity as you do.
I wish we could reach into someone and show them some light. But like you said, there’s not much we can do.
I hope the doctors can help her find what she needs.
She’s lucky to have you in her life… as are we.



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Thank you.

[Apia resurrected]

I've seen her yesterday, she is out of the clinic.

Trigger warning.



I learned that the way she did it was, she stabbed herself with a knife and lied there for hours until her boyfriend found her, when he came back from work. She got a stoke as a result but is overall OK now, I didn't notice nothing anymore.

That's obviously hard news.

i asked her what she is being treated for, and its depression.
That's medium good. If she has, as I suspect bipolar disorder, the depression meds will effect the mania, when she is in that phase to be even more intense. ( knowing pharmacology because of my work comes handy here)

I told her about it. Also that if she wants it, I would talk to her doctors why I suspect the bi polar disorder, I've seen her circles for years. I know her for 23 years, there are many examples. If she makes something of it, I don't know.