3443: The Obituaries

[bag of lazers]

Chemda could like the guy's FB business page and then post what he did on it.

This guy molested me as a kid.

0 Stars.

[shoebootie]

Originally Posted by bag of lazers

Nope. That's a big sin in the Church. He wouldn't throw away his ticket to magic nevernever land right at the end.

The religious kooks always find a loophole. He's a priest, he'll just pre-forgive himself.

[littlp]

Originally Posted by shoebootie

The religious kooks always find a loophole. He's a priest, he'll just pre-forgive himself.

Unless it serves a specific purpose and gives him the immediate satisfaction that he wants, he won’t kill himself. He might threaten it for attention-but his go to is his bad health and 1638247 stents.


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[Sparrow]

Originally Posted by shoebootie

The religious kooks always find a loophole. He's a priest, he'll just pre-forgive himself.

he just has to purchase an Indulgence.

[AstoriaGirl]

I'm going to push back slightly and give father Malley credit for one thing: the 6th child. I'm pregnant and if I lost him inside me I'd lose my shit and would not be ok for a long long time. I personally would be devastated and if I were religious I would look forward to the idea of being reunited with him in the afterlife. A miscarriage is any pregnancy ending before 20 weeks and a still birth is after 20 weeks. Babies have lived that have been delivered at 22 weeks, and 24 is considered viability. So I'm gonna say a very slight fuck you to Keith and Chemda for (what appeared to me) belittling the tragedy and loss that is miscarriage and stillbirth, and send love to anyone who's experienced that.

[Keith]

Will it be in your obituary that one of your children died?

Also it’s my sibling! Don’t tell me how to grieve!

[elasticwhiskers]

Originally Posted by AstoriaGirl

I'm going to push back slightly and give father Malley credit for one thing: the 6th child. I'm pregnant and if I lost him inside me I'd lose my shit and would not be ok for a long long time. I personally would be devastated and if I were religious I would look forward to the idea of being reunited with him in the afterlife. A miscarriage is any pregnancy ending before 20 weeks and a still birth is after 20 weeks. Babies have lived that have been delivered at 22 weeks, and 24 is considered viability. So I'm gonna say a very slight fuck you to Keith and Chemda for (what appeared to me) belittling the tragedy and loss that is miscarriage and stillbirth, and send love to anyone who's experienced that.

AstoriaGirl, I can understand why it appeared to you that Keith and Chemda were belittling the loss, and I'm sure as a pregnant person, some of those words were shocking to hear. I think what they were belittling was Keith's dad's sanctimonious attitude in general and about this specifically, and that this is something his dad brings up for sympathy but never expressed true grief in any way that wasn't 100% self-serving. Keith and Chemda would speak very differently about it if, for example, they had a guest on the show who was sharing their experience.

**I'm going to quote from the show, so please stop reading if you don't want to read some of those words again.**

I found it be very darkly hilarious and really lost my shit at both "it fell in the toilet (toe-let)," and "it fell out like goo." And to me, it didn't seem like that was Keith being dismissive, but that this is sort of his level of processing something that happened while he was a child, using child-like language.

I'm about 2/3 of the way through the episode and I think I need a minute. I agree with Chemda when she said, "How do we sit here in silence while recording so we can regain our strength?" I'm just going to pretend you did sit in silence for a few hours (days?) to brace myself for the rest of the episode.

P.S. - a few minutes in Keith shared something his dad would say and Keith used the words "spurts out" and ew.

[rodimusprime]

Ezra Klein interviewed the author of "The Body Keeps A Score" on his podcast this week. They talk about how childhood molestation often manifest itself later in life. And OMG. Combined with this episode and how Chemda has talk about that babysitter in previous shows? It was spot on.

All that to say it would be an extraordinary coincidence if all this was just in Chemda's head but our trauma response as children LITERALLY tries to protect our brains by making it seem like we "made it up."

Great episode of the show.

[Apia resurrected]

I have this book as an audio book. It's very good but I have to take breaks because its also a lot.

[bluenova]

This is such a tough situation Chemda. Only because I haven't seen it suggested yet, maybe this is something to consider. In my brain, I imagine saying something like "Oh, I was just thinking about you recently because I was talking about how some sexual experiences we experience as children and are confusing at the time will suddenly click once we've grown so much as adults. Like when you babysat me."

Something like that. My brain can't think of a good third line that's a question. Like: "I was wondering if you also went through the same process" but I'm not sure if that's good.

The attempt is to not explicitly say what he did, imply you know something was done, but worded in such a way that he might think he's safe. He might have a brain like Keith's Dad. He could have done it and isn't 100% sweating because they are so confident and self deluding. Pretending things never happened and moving on without consequences is a reality for a lot of people. He could have also just scrubbed it from his brain to protect his ego. If he doesn't respond at all, you know he knows. If he does though, it could be in a way that is helpful or hurtful though. He could reveal he knows, or play stupid. It might hurt you more, which is why I hesitate.

At the same time, maybe you'd feel better if you had a way to say it that works for you even if he just denies it and attacks you. You are harboring this self doubt even though you also know it most likely happened. This was someone that babysat you just a handful of time, yet you really remember him, and you were a child that wouldn't know to have these thoughts. But that doubt persists, so maybe wording it in a manner like this could help ease that self doubting part because it's saying everything without saying anything much.