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Show Notes and Pictures

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1123: Here We Go

I always got punched as a kid. I never understood it.

1122: Diane's Breasts

I think my uncle just raped me.

Show Notes

• The Tits Reduction: How do you even walk? Do you have back problems?
• Sleep Walking: I had a dream about gas, so I pulled the whole stove out. Sometimes I'd wake up outside with no clothes on.
• Working Overtime: 60% of people sleep with their co-workers while on company time
• Little Baby Faggot: The cinematography was so good it could be in one of those pretentious douche bag film festivals
• MILF Porn: How do I know these people are really mothers? I'd like to see babies in the corner.
• Dina Quits: I have to cover for some lady at work because she decided she wanted to spend some time with her kids, that bitch
• You Messed Up: Preparation H reduces the puffiness under your eye, now this guy thinks I have hemorrhoids
• Twitchy Mel Gibson: I've moved on from my antisemitism. I guess you haven't, World.
• The Future Is Now: Heinz Ketchup has a new ketchup packet, get the Heinz people on cancer, they're good!
• The Stand-up Contest: Black people are ninjas; Black Out Fridays; Kyle The Intern got molested
• Drinking Spit: I swallowed a cigarette and smoked from my throat
• Who's The Boss: Bruce Springsteen sues band that performed his songs live
• Baby Is Scared: 4th Grader was nearly suspended for playing with a plastic toy gun, but nothing actually happened, so who cares?

Pictures

Diane O'Debra
Diane O'Debra
Diane's Breasts
Diane's Breasts
Eye Cream
Eye Cream
Look at that smug face
Look at that smug face
The packet that changed us all
The packet that changed us all
The Boss
The Boss
The gun that threatened our fragile consitutions
The gun that threatened our fragile consitutions

1121: The Tits

You want to talk to me like you're a basic bitch, then cool.

Show Notes

• 2 AM Subways: I said, I'm going to fight you if you don't stop walking towards me. He didn't stop.
• Slim Pickings: 68% say Chemda is a music snob. 70% agree Keith hates movies.
• Bendejo Dragon: Even if you don't believe in psychics, it's something when he tells you you're going to have a shitty year
• Surviving Marriage: Keith and Chemda have been together 29 years if you count every relationship Keith failed at
• Miscarriage: My baby is dead inside me and it won't come out. But who needs a crooked baby anyway?
• Demon Of Yesteryear: My Thank You note won’t contain the fun fact that one of the reasons I’m not married is because their son is a horrific lay
• Big Love: How does this family with so many wives and kids make it work? They don't.
• Lest We Forget: Taylor Swift is not the best technical singer, but she is the best emotional singer
• Your Heartthrobs: Leif Garrett was arrested for possession of a controlled substance. Again.
• Focus, Focus: Giselle Bundchen says giving birth to her son was completely painless, everyone else says to shut up
• Your Stalker: Kim Kardashian has a restraining order against The Joker
• All Star Comedy: When I think comedy, I think Shaquille O'Neal
• Wolfman's Benecio Del Toro: I have to look at the speakers in the theater to understand what this mumble-mouth is saying
• That's The Tits: The Cheshire Cat is The Tits? In my day, tits were the Tits.
• Domestic Violence: If you see your man's Super Bowl team losing, run
• Jersey Shore In Italy: I hope those jerk offs represent us well overseas
• All In: A Top Male Model is arrested for offering blow jobs to the cops that arrested him
• Cause Of Death: Casey Johnson died of diabetes. Brittany Murphy died of multiple drug intoxication.
• Fast Five: Tooo Fast and Tooo Furious, will I have to watch this fucking shit? Guess.
• Cop Out: Robin Williams loses a $6,000,000 lawsuit because he had no right to $6,000,000

Guests

Pictures

Married Friends ARE smug, but you still should want to be like them one day
Married Friends ARE smug, but you still should want to be like them one day
Amanda Seyfried
Amanda Seyfried
Pink would aslo have you believe she was born female
Pink would aslo have you believe she was born female
Taylor Swift and some zombie
Taylor Swift and some zombie
The Famousest Leif Garrett
The Famousest Leif Garrett
Giselle Bundchen is pregnant here, no really she is
Giselle Bundchen is pregnant here, no really she is
Shaq
Shaq
Benecio Del Toro
Benecio Del Toro
Russell Crowe as Robin Hood
Russell Crowe as Robin Hood

Tim Burton makes the same movie with the same actors
Tim Burton makes the same movie with the same actors



Brandy and Ray J
Brandy and Ray J
Nick Snider
Nick Snider
Tila Tequila
Tila Tequila
Casey Johnson
Casey Johnson
Brittany Murphy
Brittany Murphy

One's Serious. One's Humorous. Wackiness Ensues.
One's Serious. One's Humorous. Wackiness Ensues.
Robin Williams, still not dead
Robin Williams, still not dead

1120: Love Your Pet

What do I gotta do? Be under my bed fuckin' a cat?

Show Notes

• Mostly Morning Zoos: I drink my coffee and I'm right to work! This coffee's good, bang bang!
• Back to Front: Make sure to wipe your ass so you don't get the shit in your vagina, Kyle
• Red Light District: In Amsterdam you're allowed fucking animals, however time is running out!
• I'm Gonna Getcha: If I make THEM feel better about themselves, they're a cougar
• An Unteachable Ho: I think most women are unteachable, I'll say it. I've never gotten a good blow job .
• Your Spicy Ex: I wanted no children or religion. She wanted a penis with no eyeballs.
• Your OK Cupid Profile: If you don't like Mel Brooks, we're not gonna date!
• Lost: Enjoy your closure, Lost will continually beat you on a regular basis
• Instant Message: This is the part of my message where I tell you you're pretty and we have a lot in common, but I won't. Also, I love bulldogs.
• Edge of Darkness: They should have called this movie Very Boring, cause it totally was
• Keith Hates Movies: I don't like 90% of people, let alone 90% of movies!

Guests

Pictures

Mel Brooks
Mel Brooks

















1119: I See You

I'm gonna mix it in my mouth.

Show Notes

• The 75-Hour Podcast: You can get to know the real us instead of this facade we put on every day
• Literacy Rates: I actually laughed from reading words, I wasn't gonna read your book, but now I'm gonna!
• The iPad: Steve Jobs is gonna talk about different things. Oh my God! He did!
• Parental Support: You're doing it, you're living a stranger's dream! Only a stranger's cock!
• Come With Me, Drunk: I'm the designated driver, that's the only pick up line that really works
• Movies Are Too Long: I saw the movie Avatar, meh. How did hippies get such a huge budget like that?
• G.I. Joe: Do you have time to say, We're not in Kansas anymore, when Al Quaeda is attacking you?
• The Best of The Worst: Freddie Got Fingered isn't supposed to be taken seriously? 'Cause I thought he was a CIA agent.
• You're Done: Rip Torn gets arrested after breaking into a bank that he mistook for his house
• Selling Out: American Idiot is a musical, Green Day likes money
• The Grammys: Pink was somehow able to swing in the air and sing perfectly
• Doubt It: There's no Michael Jackson sperm in those kids, nothing got in that mix
• Dirty Text Messages: A part of me wishes I took the Adventure Train and went to Russell Brand's house
• Prank Calls: AT&T gives up on AT&T and donates to Haiti after pranksters use display phones to donate
• Euthanasia: An old couple kill themselves because they're old, but they just have to call 911 about it first
• You're A Killer: A woman choked on a piece of food I served her, it was at her birthday party
• Phantasm: I have to watch these films because I am genuinely curious about what retardedness goes on in these movies
• Cock Fights: NYC Teacher has his 4th grade students settle argument by fighting

Guests

Pictures









Rip Torn, a rose by any other name...
Rip Torn, a rose by any other name...

Pearl Jam sells out
Pearl Jam sells out
This dude can really sing
This dude can really sing
Kings of Leon
Kings of Leon
Fucking Drake, Mother Cunting Eminem and Pussy Lickin' Lil Way
Fucking Drake, Mother Cunting Eminem and Pussy Lickin' Lil Way
Michael Jackson's "kids"
Michael Jackson's "kids"
Katy Perry Russell
Katy Perry Russell
Taylor Swift suprised to win her 900th Grammy
Taylor Swift suprised to win her 900th Grammy


1118: Who Farted?

90% of people say Mark Sanchez is a douche bag.

Show Notes

• Two Time KATGuh Winner: It's a comedy show, the joke is we give you shit lying around
• The New Gay Bushes: The best way to get over someone is by sleeping around a lot
• Man Crunching: CBS found the gay commercial offensive even after ManCrunch paid 2.8 million dollars
• Chat Roulette: It's chat windows popping up of high teenagers, sock puppets, Asian guys, penises
• Person of Interest: Human remains were found in a Florida home suspected to be that of lottery winner Abraham Shakespeare
• Unemploymeed: He ripped a woman's lungs and heart out because her agency wouldn't hire him
• Let's Make A Deal: Chemda comes in first place in a poker tournament
• Just A Sneeze, Buddy: Jessica Simpson was in a meeting, she farted. Jessica!!!
• Your Good Book: I am reading my book and I hope I wrote what I wrote. And I did!
• Counter Interpretations: You are a gentlemen and a scholar, but it really means you're an asshole and a prick
• Meaningless: All these literal crackheads aren't so deep, but somewhere in this is poetry
• 14-Inch Dicks: I just jerked off to the Adam and Eve brochures because there were sexy pictures
• Your Autograph: Mark Sanchez is a douche bag. Everyone won't leave me alone!!!
• State of the Union: It's like watching a horrible sitcom with a terrible laugh track
• Flarp: It was like I went to doctor class and I learned how an asshole works

Guests

Pictures

Gazoo
Gazoo
Abraham Shakespeare
Abraham Shakespeare
Jessica Simpson
Jessica Simpson





John Holmes
John Holmes

Sammie Sweetheart and Ronnie
Sammie Sweetheart and Ronnie
He said things that sound nice
He said things that sound nice
Asshole goop
Asshole goop

1117: Sign Here

You had to be a little bit of a bitch, huh? Right on, man. Now you know who we are.

Show Notes

• Catcher in the Rye: I wasn't depressed enough to understand it at the time, but it made other people kill
• No, It's Good For You: What do you do when the government has cameras in your computer? I just try not to eat high fructose corn syrup.
• Poltergeist: Zelda Rubinstein died at 117 years old, she put a spell on herself to make herself live longer
• Facebook Journalism: Mark Sanchez was spotted in Alabama, he saw a doctor, he met Her and Kings County, and he smoked a cigarette. News at 11.
• The Gays: Atlanta is the gayest place on Earth, you can be The Gay there and not just gay
• Pedo Loops: If you get caught in a loop of child porn, throw your computer out the window, Pete Townshend
• Boom Boom Dynamite: You stole 2000 and Late and now that can't be Keith and Chemda's love song anymore
• The Rape Clause: The Pants-on-the-Ground-Guy signs away his song rights and his soul to American Idol
• Felicity's Fab Do: They blamed the writers and not the idiot viewers who couldn't deal with a haircut
• Mad Max Sequel: The film is set after Master Blaster dies, he is African-American and not friendly
• Business On The Shore: I sure hope no one cuts their spikes during this stand-off
• Earth Song: Michael Jackson's kids take the stage at the Grammys just like he would have wanted
• Your Bucket List: Dennis Hopper divorces his wife from his death bed so he won't have to pay her
• Sad Feet: Brittany Murphy's husband is suing Warner Brothers because being fired from Happy Feet is what killed her
• 10-Year Minimum: Cameron Douglss pleads guilty to drug distribution and possession
• Wrestlers Wrastle: Jericho and Greg Helms were under the influence of an alcoholic beverage and perchance had a debacle
• Tool Academy 3: Girl tools, Guy tools, Married tools, and Homosexual tools!
• Sainthood: John Paul II used to perform self-flagellation and he would beat himself in the face
• The Langoliers: Maximum Overdrive was the correct shitty movie
• Ladies With Mustaches: There's another pregnant pretend dude
• Gary Coleman Has Fans?: A fan of Gary Coleman bails him out of jail after seeing his sad mugshot

Pictures

J.D. Salinger, the inventor of emo, dies
J.D. Salinger, the inventor of emo, dies
Zelda Rubinstein
Zelda Rubinstein
Mark Sanchez
Mark Sanchez


Pete Townshend
Pete Townshend
Pants on the ground
Pants on the ground
Ugly Betty
Ugly Betty
America Ferrera sans ugly
America Ferrera sans ugly
Felicity's luscious locks
Felicity's luscious locks
The Master Blaster
The Master Blaster
M.J.'s kids
M.J.'s kids
Gagaloo
Gagaloo
Dennis Hopper and wife
Dennis Hopper and wife
Brittany Murphy and scumbag
Brittany Murphy and scumbag
Antonio Banderas and Melanie Griffin
Antonio Banderas and Melanie Griffin
Michael and Cameron Douglas
Michael and Cameron Douglas
Jericho and Gregory Helms
Jericho and Gregory Helms


Which one is pregnant?
Which one is pregnant?
Such a beautiful couple
Such a beautiful couple

1116: iKATG

Keith and The Girl has its fiftieth (50) body modification.

Show Notes

• Big Announcement!!!!: There's a new computer ting out and you plug it in, and it does computer tings and it is very exciting!
• Butter Fingers: A catholic priest was arrested for stealing butter and a sofa cover
• X Marks The Spot: Doctor amputates wrong leg to stop ulcer from spreading
• Selective Viewing: Part 2 of my stand-up has more views than Part 1
• Pussy Poker: Sometimes you gamble and sometimes you give money away for no reason
• iBUN: Hot Dog is a subset of sausage, a little hot dog and peppers I say at the deli
• Money For Nothing: Look at that little faggot with the earring and the makeup
• Child Cruelty, Animal Cruelty: Mother makes son kill hamster after bad grades
• Republicans Love Rape: 30 congressmen vote down on a bill that allows victims to sue their rapist
• Pig Meeting Adjourned: The floor collapses under Weight Watchers meeting
• Fame Whore: Old-faced Chelsea Handler and her boss boyfriend break up, she did the breaking up
• Globetrotting Faggot: Anderson Cooper is going to move into a firehouse, as if he wasn't already flaming
• My Horror-ible Movie: I loved Keith, but I totally forgot to mention the jerk off best friend in the review!
• Body Modification #50: Jesse Smith gets a KATG tattoo on his inner lip
• The Snack Attack Victim: A Darwin man opened up a bag of chips and there was only one, shocking!
• Does Not Compute: I have no friends only words... friend is a word!

Guests

Pictures

The iPad
The iPad
Dire Straits
Dire Straits
Mommy Dearest
Mommy Dearest
Anderson Cooper
Anderson Cooper
Too bad this fire house isn't on Fire Island
Too bad this fire house isn't on Fire Island
Chelsea Handler and old boyfriend Ted Harbert
Chelsea Handler and old boyfriend Ted Harbert

KATG Modification #50
KATG Modification #50
Womp Womp
Womp Womp

1115: Bad Little Boy

I put a baby in the dishwasher.

Show Notes

• Nonbelievers: Keep trying, anyone can be converted, I just converted Myq to Christianity
• The Alt Comedy Festival: That set you just did, you going do the same thing tomorrow?
• Figures: Nancy Kerrigan's brother kills her father over the telephone bill
• Someone's Grounded: Teen shoots parents to get out of doing chores, but now he has to clean up the mess!
• Fatal Attraction: One woman got mauled by the love of her life, a tiger, this is a reality show
• The Bad Girls Club: Women can only relate to women hating each other and men beating them up
• Jerk Off Negotiators: We demand $10,000 a show. Oh, we can have that? Then we demand $20,000 a show.
• Who Let The Dogs In?: I don't believe in myself, but somebody else might
• Skipping Town: I found 5 million dollars in my account, I'll just say somebody died
• Clumsy Me: Picasso painting loses 65 million dollars in value after woman trips
• Accidents Will Happen: She told me she was pregnant, after we got back together she told me she fell down the stairs

Guests

Pictures

Nancy Kerrigan
Nancy Kerrigan
Tonya Harding
Tonya Harding
Just your regular, everyday sociopath
Just your regular, everyday sociopath


Bobby Bacala
Bobby Bacala
Dat Phan
Dat Phan
Josh Blue
Josh Blue
Iliza Big Boobs
Iliza Big Boobs
The Actor
The Actor

1114: Whatchoo Talkin' 'Bout?

When is it appropriate to lie under the forks of a forklift truck?

Show Notes

• Sunday Night Football: I kicked the shit out of yesterday! If we have vocal chords in our throats, then I popped the E chord.
• Breasts For Beads: I'm Bret Favre, waaah, my leeeg!!! WAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!
• T=Q^3: You see, you have matter, right? then you have anti-matter. Well, I'm working on semi-matter.
• Smart People Test: When you drink you only think you're warm? Well then I'm warm! If I think I'm warm, I'm warm!
• The Power of Pot: Michael Phelps eats a subways sammich, next thing you know he's swimming across the Earth busting through cars
• 31 Years Of HUAR: The first robot killing occurred on this day in 1979
• Andy Dick Grabber: Your brother hasn't seen grabbing like this, cause this guy is grabbing bouncer dick
• Falling Stars: Gary Coleman was arrested for domestic violence
• Ray's Movie: My English accent was exactly like I did it for you guys, Arthuuuurrr
• The Orange M&M: Uh-ho-ho-hooo. You'll never get married with that laugh.
• Monsters vs. Aliens: It was amazing at first, but that's about it
• Fast and Furious: I hated all of them, Jesus, I knew I wouldn't like it, but I didn't think it would be that horrible
• Keith's Justice The Essay: I am a little offended by this paper. Satirical sounds like funny business.

Pictures

It must be the semi-matter
It must be the semi-matter
Sunday got beat
Sunday got beat
Brett Favre, WAAAAAAAAAH
Brett Favre, WAAAAAAAAAH
Antimatter
Antimatter
Michael Phlelps is smiling?
Michael Phlelps is smiling?
Andy Dick
Andy Dick
Willis talked back
Willis talked back
Crispy
Crispy
Eric Kirchberger
Eric Kirchberger