Show Notes and Pictures

Show Notes

• The Tits Reduction: How do you even walk? Do you have back problems?
• Sleep Walking: I had a dream about gas, so I pulled the whole stove out. Sometimes I'd wake up outside with no clothes on.
• Working Overtime: 60% of people sleep with their co-workers while on company time
• Little Baby Faggot: The cinematography was so good it could be in one of those pretentious douche bag film festivals
• MILF Porn: How do I know these people are really mothers? I'd like to see babies in the corner.
• Dina Quits: I have to cover for some lady at work because she decided she wanted to spend some time with her kids, that bitch
• You Messed Up: Preparation H reduces the puffiness under your eye, now this guy thinks I have hemorrhoids
• Twitchy Mel Gibson: I've moved on from my antisemitism. I guess you haven't, World.
• The Future Is Now: Heinz Ketchup has a new ketchup packet, get the Heinz people on cancer, they're good!
• The Stand-up Contest: Black people are ninjas; Black Out Fridays; Kyle The Intern got molested
• Drinking Spit: I swallowed a cigarette and smoked from my throat
• Who's The Boss: Bruce Springsteen sues band that performed his songs live
• Baby Is Scared: 4th Grader was nearly suspended for playing with a plastic toy gun, but nothing actually happened, so who cares?

Show Notes

• 2 AM Subways: I said, I'm going to fight you if you don't stop walking towards me. He didn't stop.
• Slim Pickings: 68% say Chemda is a music snob. 70% agree Keith hates movies.
• Bendejo Dragon: Even if you don't believe in psychics, it's something when he tells you you're going to have a shitty year
• Surviving Marriage: Keith and Chemda have been together 29 years if you count every relationship Keith failed at
• Miscarriage: My baby is dead inside me and it won't come out. But who needs a crooked baby anyway?
• Demon Of Yesteryear: My Thank You note won’t contain the fun fact that one of the reasons I’m not married is because their son is a horrific lay
• Big Love: How does this family with so many wives and kids make it work? They don't.
• Lest We Forget: Taylor Swift is not the best technical singer, but she is the best emotional singer
• Your Heartthrobs: Leif Garrett was arrested for possession of a controlled substance. Again.
• Focus, Focus: Giselle Bundchen says giving birth to her son was completely painless, everyone else says to shut up
• Your Stalker: Kim Kardashian has a restraining order against The Joker
• All Star Comedy: When I think comedy, I think Shaquille O'Neal
• Wolfman's Benecio Del Toro: I have to look at the speakers in the theater to understand what this mumble-mouth is saying
• That's The Tits: The Cheshire Cat is The Tits? In my day, tits were the Tits.
• Domestic Violence: If you see your man's Super Bowl team losing, run
• Jersey Shore In Italy: I hope those jerk offs represent us well overseas
• All In: A Top Male Model is arrested for offering blow jobs to the cops that arrested him
• Cause Of Death: Casey Johnson died of diabetes. Brittany Murphy died of multiple drug intoxication.
• Fast Five: Tooo Fast and Tooo Furious, will I have to watch this fucking shit? Guess.
• Cop Out: Robin Williams loses a $6,000,000 lawsuit because he had no right to $6,000,000

Show Notes

• Mostly Morning Zoos: I drink my coffee and I'm right to work! This coffee's good, bang bang!
• Back to Front: Make sure to wipe your ass so you don't get the shit in your vagina, Kyle
• Red Light District: In Amsterdam you're allowed fucking animals, however time is running out!
• I'm Gonna Getcha: If I make THEM feel better about themselves, they're a cougar
• An Unteachable Ho: I think most women are unteachable, I'll say it. I've never gotten a good blow job .
• Your Spicy Ex: I wanted no children or religion. She wanted a penis with no eyeballs.
• Your OK Cupid Profile: If you don't like Mel Brooks, we're not gonna date!
• Lost: Enjoy your closure, Lost will continually beat you on a regular basis
• Instant Message: This is the part of my message where I tell you you're pretty and we have a lot in common, but I won't. Also, I love bulldogs.
• Edge of Darkness: They should have called this movie Very Boring, cause it totally was
• Keith Hates Movies: I don't like 90% of people, let alone 90% of movies!

Show Notes

• The 75-Hour Podcast: You can get to know the real us instead of this facade we put on every day
• Literacy Rates: I actually laughed from reading words, I wasn't gonna read your book, but now I'm gonna!
• The iPad: Steve Jobs is gonna talk about different things. Oh my God! He did!
• Parental Support: You're doing it, you're living a stranger's dream! Only a stranger's cock!
• Come With Me, Drunk: I'm the designated driver, that's the only pick up line that really works
• Movies Are Too Long: I saw the movie Avatar, meh. How did hippies get such a huge budget like that?
• G.I. Joe: Do you have time to say, We're not in Kansas anymore, when Al Quaeda is attacking you?
• The Best of The Worst: Freddie Got Fingered isn't supposed to be taken seriously? 'Cause I thought he was a CIA agent.
• You're Done: Rip Torn gets arrested after breaking into a bank that he mistook for his house
• Selling Out: American Idiot is a musical, Green Day likes money
• The Grammys: Pink was somehow able to swing in the air and sing perfectly
• Doubt It: There's no Michael Jackson sperm in those kids, nothing got in that mix
• Dirty Text Messages: A part of me wishes I took the Adventure Train and went to Russell Brand's house
• Prank Calls: AT&T gives up on AT&T and donates to Haiti after pranksters use display phones to donate
• Euthanasia: An old couple kill themselves because they're old, but they just have to call 911 about it first
• You're A Killer: A woman choked on a piece of food I served her, it was at her birthday party
• Phantasm: I have to watch these films because I am genuinely curious about what retardedness goes on in these movies
• Cock Fights: NYC Teacher has his 4th grade students settle argument by fighting

Show Notes

• Two Time KATGuh Winner: It's a comedy show, the joke is we give you shit lying around
• The New Gay Bushes: The best way to get over someone is by sleeping around a lot
• Man Crunching: CBS found the gay commercial offensive even after ManCrunch paid 2.8 million dollars
• Chat Roulette: It's chat windows popping up of high teenagers, sock puppets, Asian guys, penises
• Person of Interest: Human remains were found in a Florida home suspected to be that of lottery winner Abraham Shakespeare
• Unemploymeed: He ripped a woman's lungs and heart out because her agency wouldn't hire him
• Let's Make A Deal: Chemda comes in first place in a poker tournament
• Just A Sneeze, Buddy: Jessica Simpson was in a meeting, she farted. Jessica!!!
• Your Good Book: I am reading my book and I hope I wrote what I wrote. And I did!
• Counter Interpretations: You are a gentlemen and a scholar, but it really means you're an asshole and a prick
• Meaningless: All these literal crackheads aren't so deep, but somewhere in this is poetry
• 14-Inch Dicks: I just jerked off to the Adam and Eve brochures because there were sexy pictures
• Your Autograph: Mark Sanchez is a douche bag. Everyone won't leave me alone!!!
• State of the Union: It's like watching a horrible sitcom with a terrible laugh track
• Flarp: It was like I went to doctor class and I learned how an asshole works

Show Notes

• Catcher in the Rye: I wasn't depressed enough to understand it at the time, but it made other people kill
• No, It's Good For You: What do you do when the government has cameras in your computer? I just try not to eat high fructose corn syrup.
• Poltergeist: Zelda Rubinstein died at 117 years old, she put a spell on herself to make herself live longer
• Facebook Journalism: Mark Sanchez was spotted in Alabama, he saw a doctor, he met Her and Kings County, and he smoked a cigarette. News at 11.
• The Gays: Atlanta is the gayest place on Earth, you can be The Gay there and not just gay
• Pedo Loops: If you get caught in a loop of child porn, throw your computer out the window, Pete Townshend
• Boom Boom Dynamite: You stole 2000 and Late and now that can't be Keith and Chemda's love song anymore
• The Rape Clause: The Pants-on-the-Ground-Guy signs away his song rights and his soul to American Idol
• Felicity's Fab Do: They blamed the writers and not the idiot viewers who couldn't deal with a haircut
• Mad Max Sequel: The film is set after Master Blaster dies, he is African-American and not friendly
• Business On The Shore: I sure hope no one cuts their spikes during this stand-off
• Earth Song: Michael Jackson's kids take the stage at the Grammys just like he would have wanted
• Your Bucket List: Dennis Hopper divorces his wife from his death bed so he won't have to pay her
• Sad Feet: Brittany Murphy's husband is suing Warner Brothers because being fired from Happy Feet is what killed her
• 10-Year Minimum: Cameron Douglss pleads guilty to drug distribution and possession
• Wrestlers Wrastle: Jericho and Greg Helms were under the influence of an alcoholic beverage and perchance had a debacle
• Tool Academy 3: Girl tools, Guy tools, Married tools, and Homosexual tools!
• Sainthood: John Paul II used to perform self-flagellation and he would beat himself in the face
• The Langoliers: Maximum Overdrive was the correct shitty movie
• Ladies With Mustaches: There's another pregnant pretend dude
• Gary Coleman Has Fans?: A fan of Gary Coleman bails him out of jail after seeing his sad mugshot

Show Notes

• Big Announcement!!!!: There's a new computer ting out and you plug it in, and it does computer tings and it is very exciting!
• Butter Fingers: A catholic priest was arrested for stealing butter and a sofa cover
• X Marks The Spot: Doctor amputates wrong leg to stop ulcer from spreading
• Selective Viewing: Part 2 of my stand-up has more views than Part 1
• Pussy Poker: Sometimes you gamble and sometimes you give money away for no reason
• iBUN: Hot Dog is a subset of sausage, a little hot dog and peppers I say at the deli
• Money For Nothing: Look at that little faggot with the earring and the makeup
• Child Cruelty, Animal Cruelty: Mother makes son kill hamster after bad grades
• Republicans Love Rape: 30 congressmen vote down on a bill that allows victims to sue their rapist
• Pig Meeting Adjourned: The floor collapses under Weight Watchers meeting
• Fame Whore: Old-faced Chelsea Handler and her boss boyfriend break up, she did the breaking up
• Globetrotting Faggot: Anderson Cooper is going to move into a firehouse, as if he wasn't already flaming
• My Horror-ible Movie: I loved Keith, but I totally forgot to mention the jerk off best friend in the review!
• Body Modification #50: Jesse Smith gets a KATG tattoo on his inner lip
• The Snack Attack Victim: A Darwin man opened up a bag of chips and there was only one, shocking!
• Does Not Compute: I have no friends only words... friend is a word!

Show Notes

• Nonbelievers: Keep trying, anyone can be converted, I just converted Myq to Christianity
• The Alt Comedy Festival: That set you just did, you going do the same thing tomorrow?
• Figures: Nancy Kerrigan's brother kills her father over the telephone bill
• Someone's Grounded: Teen shoots parents to get out of doing chores, but now he has to clean up the mess!
• Fatal Attraction: One woman got mauled by the love of her life, a tiger, this is a reality show
• The Bad Girls Club: Women can only relate to women hating each other and men beating them up
• Jerk Off Negotiators: We demand $10,000 a show. Oh, we can have that? Then we demand $20,000 a show.
• Who Let The Dogs In?: I don't believe in myself, but somebody else might
• Skipping Town: I found 5 million dollars in my account, I'll just say somebody died
• Clumsy Me: Picasso painting loses 65 million dollars in value after woman trips
• Accidents Will Happen: She told me she was pregnant, after we got back together she told me she fell down the stairs

Show Notes

• Sunday Night Football: I kicked the shit out of yesterday! If we have vocal chords in our throats, then I popped the E chord.
• Breasts For Beads: I'm Bret Favre, waaah, my leeeg!!! WAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!
• T=Q^3: You see, you have matter, right? then you have anti-matter. Well, I'm working on semi-matter.
• Smart People Test: When you drink you only think you're warm? Well then I'm warm! If I think I'm warm, I'm warm!
• The Power of Pot: Michael Phelps eats a subways sammich, next thing you know he's swimming across the Earth busting through cars
• 31 Years Of HUAR: The first robot killing occurred on this day in 1979
• Andy Dick Grabber: Your brother hasn't seen grabbing like this, cause this guy is grabbing bouncer dick
• Falling Stars: Gary Coleman was arrested for domestic violence
• Ray's Movie: My English accent was exactly like I did it for you guys, Arthuuuurrr
• The Orange M&M: Uh-ho-ho-hooo. You'll never get married with that laugh.
• Monsters vs. Aliens: It was amazing at first, but that's about it
• Fast and Furious: I hated all of them, Jesus, I knew I wouldn't like it, but I didn't think it would be that horrible
• Keith's Justice The Essay: I am a little offended by this paper. Satirical sounds like funny business.