Show Notes and Pictures

Show Notes

• Today's show sponsored by MP Jewellery
• Wakka Wakka: Ray organized Dan Allen's bachelor party, but the roast had to be canceled due to Dan's lack of friends
• Creative Credit: Dan no longer performs at Sacapuntas, but Ray is fine with him taking home half the door
• No Way To Win: Ray produces several shows around town and never knows if he'll have an audience, but Keith always has hundreds at his shows and still isn't taken seriously by his peers
• Eh, Kinda: Mike Recine called out to Chemda from the stage and got mad when she fought back
• Nice Jeans: Keith doesn't engage hecklers, but he can respond to what they say and work it into his set
• White People: A Florida man was the first person ever to juggle through a triathlon, and a Texas man was arrested for riding a unicycle naked
• You Get Things: Keith called Home Depot to get a door installed and nearly hulked out over the poor customer service
• What's The Problem: Ray tried to get Keith's coat from a bar and got shot down by the bouncer and the manager
• Inevitable: Facebook is offering a service for people to pay $2 and have their posts stay at the top of everyone's pages
• Greatest Hits: Keith watched America's Got Talent to see how Howard Stern would play it
• Ozone Park: John Gotti's widow still endorses John Travolta and supports his being cast to play her late husband
• Touching Their Stuff: One of Travolta's victims has requested a private trial
• Misunderstanding: Alec Baldwin's stalker has her day in court
• Psychologically Damaged: A British Airways steward was arrested after admitting he left a bomb hoax message on a jet's bathroom door
• Warm Pudding: Ray was traumatized by his perfectly normal deflowering

Show Notes

• Today's show sponsored by MP Jewellery
• Communications: A customer service agent made Danny Hatch panic into changing his name to Keith
• Sorry Chemda: The State of KATG Interns Address
• It's Electrifying: A third masseuse has accused John Travolta of sexual harassment
• No-Fault Divorce: Bristol Palin spoke out against Obama's support for gay marriage on Mother's Day
• 12,000 BTUs: Keith cleaned the apartment and Cat rearranged it, and together they made a happy air-conditioned home
• Biological Dummy: A French study found that waitresses wearing red lipstick earn more in tips
• No Parades For You: German police fired only 85 bullets in all of 2011
• Attagirl: Mitt Romney was a bully as a child but refers to his actions as harmless pranks
• Try Weed: An Ohio man was sentenced to 10 years of prison after his 19th DUI
• Slightly Aroused: A retired Yankees outfielder admitted to flashing an 8-year-old Long Island girl
• Leatherface: Tanning salons are putting up signs to block entry for Patricia Krentcil
• That's Your Cousin: A Seattle mom placed an ad on Craigslist looking to hire teenage male models as prom dates for her daughters
• So Mature: Chemda went to prom with the 23-year-old grocery clerk who always hit on her
• Pretty Recognizable: The Avengers has made over $1 billion after two weekends in theaters
• Jesus Juice: Pepsi is putting Michael Jackson's picture on soda bottles

Show Notes

• Titty: The cover of Time Magazine depicts an oversized toddler breastfeeding in reference to attachment parenting
• Outraged By Side Boob: Women who breastfeed in public are often overly confrontational about it
• Spider-Man: Parents encourage their kids to make complicated requests of downtrodden service industry workers
• He Came Out: Rihanna and Chris Brown are no longer getting along
• A Little Late: President Obama officially endorsed gay marriage. Rush Limbaugh and Fox News labeled his announcement a declaration of war on marriage.
• Perfect Human Being: Ted Nugent ranted on CBS News about how nice he is. If you find a nicer guy, he'll suck your dick.
• Jokes To Tell: Charlie Todd of Improv Everywhere made flash mobs cool and popular
• Buzz: Behind the scenes of the KATG Flash Mob
• Blue Shirt: Charlie shot a video at Abercrombie and Fitch, but the camera man left the lens cap on the whole time
• Totally Normal: Charlie made a video of people saying nice things over a megaphone at Manhattan's Union Square, and he put beds on the N train to convert it to a sleeper car
• 4 Years Ago: Charlie started getting permission to do his MP3 Experiments when the numbers climbed into the thousands
• Magical: Despite being a politically active liberal, Charlie keeps politics out of Improv Everywhere
• Princess Leia: Charlie and his wife came up with a wrestling-themed prank for their wedding
• Poor Judgment: Improv Anywhere puts out a fake video every April 1st such as the Best Funeral Ever video
• Homeless Goof: Charlie's friends assume he's messing with them when weird things happen to them
• Homeless And Nowhere: Keith and Chemda solicit Charlie's advice on filming John Petrie

Show Notes

• Too Old: Maurice Sendak, author of Where the Wild Things Are and In the Night Kitchen, died at age 83
• Repeat Offender: John Travolta has inspired wordplay from all the nation's newspapers over his molestation scandal
• Hoping For Gossip: Almost 4 million 911 calls are placed by people's asses a year, more than the total number of non-ass calls
• Acknowledgment: Celebrity moms who can buy themselves whatever they want have decided that no one else should celebrate Mother's Day
• Cum Clothes: Keith reports on Dan Allen's bachelor party
• Intern: The top New York City comics make $75 a spot at the top clubs
• Street Painting: People take Chemda's career for granted and many suggested she get a new job after she and Keith broke up
• That's For Her: Keith had to disappoint the rest of the bachelor party and skip out on the strip club, but he discovered Liquid Lapdance for future visits
• Concerned Neighbors: A mother and her live-in boyfriend were arrested after shaving her daughter's head and forcing her to pick up garbage outside in a diaper and a tank top
• Levels Of Stupid: Yet another baby got eaten by yet another dog, and a neighbor tried to help by shooting the baby's grandmother
• Achilles: An old man was killed by his pit bull in Santa Fe
• Nice Person: A woman allowed her 5-month-old daughter to be raped by a professor she met online

Show Notes

• Go Home: Keith saved his Strike Everywhere day, and he's ready to use it
• I Will Allow You: Antonio Hegwood of St. Louis was told not to come back to work without cutting his dreadlocks
• Orange Slices: Keith is attending Dan Allen's bachelor party, but he's not sure how to hurt his feelings
• Come Back Never: Keith encountered overpriced jeans at a store and had to pretend to be interested
• Old Fucks: North Carolina passed Amendment 1 to ban gay marriages and civil unions
• Wet Dream: A listener asked Danny for his penis pictures via Tumblr
• Torment: Listener Jessica wrote to Chemda about their shared pooping anxiety
• Come On, Dude: John Travolta is being sued by a male masseuse who claims Travolta molested him, and an alleged second victim has recently filed suit as well
• Forever: Former cop and current rapist Michael Pena was sentenced to a minimum of 75 years in prison
• Follow The Money: A man in Chicago told a bank teller he had a bomb, but he left the bag of cash with the teller
• Permanent Record: An e-mail accidentally went out to every student at Eastern Michigan University stating that the receiver is being expelled for poor grades
• Should've Made Friends: A 69-year-old Russian man complained about his wife's cold soup, walked out, got lost for a month, lost his leg, and almost starved to death

Show Notes

• Nothing Comes Out Of My Butt: Keith and Chemda are installing doors in their studio so Chemda can use the bathroom
• Receipt: Stores in New York check your bag one way or another
• Vegan: MCA of the Beastie Boys died of cancer
• Glue Stick: I'll Have Another won The Kentucky Derby
• Marveling At You: Keith saw The Avengers over the weekend with Victor and hates the concept of What To Expect When You're Expecting
• Dearest Bobscratch: Bobcat Goldthwait talked smack about KATG in reference to his call-in interview on the show five-and-a-half years ago, so Keith wrote him a letter
• As Well: Hannibal Buress won Best TV Club Comic on the unbroadcast portion of the Comedy Central Awards
• Sick Of Them: Dr. Dre Beats headphones are being stolen all over NYC
• Kill This Asshole: Chemda tried to make a guy stop playing music on a subway car and then gave $5 to a panhandler
• Adrian Caesar, 25: Brooklyn has adopted a scared-straight class as an alternative to jail for soliciting prostitutes

Show Notes

• Figures: Keith is seeing The Avengers tonight because, by wanting amazing superhero movies as a kid, it's his duty
• Restorative Justice: Listener Amy from Hawaii, henchperson of DrGiggles, told Keith that Keith already has closure over John Petrie
• Snotty: A stranger talked down to Chemda after stopping her and asking a question
• Springborn: Genevieve Cook, ex-girlfriend of Barack Obama, published her diary from their time together
• One Of These People: Women fall for sappy poetry and the fantasy they make up about how mysterious men are
• Nutley: A New Jersey mom took her 6-year-old daughter to a tanning booth where the girl was burned
• Light Bulb: Edvard Munch's The Scream set an art auction record when it was purchased for $119,922,500
• Balked: A Houston restaurant held a family hostage for not tipping
• Standing Ovation: Carmen visited Spain and did stand-up in a fake American accent

Show Notes

• Peanut Butter: Myka Fox is ashamed of her 100 for 30, but Keith and Chemda are thinking of bring it back
• Third Place: Myka won $10 from Keith for their bet over whether she would enter Keith's 2012 stand-up contest
• Comic's Comic: Myka keeps doing stand-up because she's allowed to keep failing
• Reverse Halloween: Listener Mandy wrote in to educate us all on May Day baskets
• How's The Family: Listener Mo wrote in about how his mom has avoided speaking to or seeing him/her for 23 years, but he/her suddenly added him on Facebook
• Estrangement: Myka's mother terrified her as a kid, and the two of them had to learn to have a relationship as an adult
• Mostly Downs: 3 different times in her life, Myka's group of friends wrote her a letter to end their friendship
• I Love Pizza: Myka is in a relationship with someone she got to know through texting
• Wedding Dress: Myka got all dressed up for a show as an excuse to look hot afterward for a guy she liked
• 1000% Honest: Dating a comedian means that everyone will know your business through their comedy
• Fucked Up Shit: Listener Seamus wrote in to ask advice on double-teaming a model and being shy
• Character Limit: Listener Kathy of ambiguous age wrote in about kicking her bully's ass
• A Clockwork Orange: Keith met someone who passed up the chance to poison her childhood bully as a waitress
• Litter Of People: The Octomom is $1 million in debt and has filed for bankruptcy
• Piss King: An 11-year-old Pennsylvania boy urinated on $36,000 of Mac laptops owned by his school
• Isn't He A God: Keith found a website full of tiny, petty criticisms of movies
• I Might Be Dying: 9% of listeners would watch a movie that is known to kill people, but Myka wouldn't
• Green Goblin: One of Tyler Perry's studios caught on fire and Keith suspects Madea
• Comedy And Sex: Charlie Sheen threatened to sue NYC strip club Cheetah's for naming a VIP room after him
• Get A Glass: Police are using ear prints to catch thieves who put their ear to the door to hear if anyone is home

Show Notes

• Only Child: Keith is participating in Strike Everywhere Day and refuses to talk
• Treats: Today is also International Workers' Day, Law Day, and May Day
• Scary Rainbow: Osama bin Laden was killed a year ago today and it's okay to celebrate
• Douchebag Trust-Fund Sex: HBO's Girls turns off girls with its awkward and entitled characters
• Purple Bracelet: 88% of listeners voted that Keith has the right to confront John Petrie
• Maccabee: Listener Incognegro wrote in to defend Mel Gibson's meltdown
• Playing All The Jokes: Mitt Romney's wife Ann claims that her husband isn't stiff and boring despite outward appearances
• Erectile Dysfunction: Chemda throws a giggle fit while Keith and Patrice extol the merits of the many KATG sponsors
• A Man Plays Me: Jimmy Kimmel was the featured comic at the White House Correspondents' Dinner and pissed off Barbara Walters with his hate speech
• Sole Custody: A woman in Nice, California had sex with her 16-year-old biological son on camera
• Walking Advertisement: A California man has had an erection for 2 years after riding a motorcycle for 4 hours
• Everything I Know: Jessica Simpson finally gave birth
• Casual: Angry Birds Space has reached 50 million downloads in 35 days
• Viral: Danny would kill a puppy in front of a little girl rather than reenact 2 Girls 1 Cup
• Ye Olde Dildo: Keith and Patrice discuss the similarities between maces and dildos, and Keith found a chart comparing Game of Thrones characters to American politicians