Corrupt-a-Wish Foundation

[yoav]

Originally Posted by DudeEMETIB

Good news. She just did. Bad news, you have the same condition.

I wish I could get over my ex, once and for all.

granted, you're launched via catapult over her and all her friends while they laugh at you, before hitting a brick wall.

Originally Posted by DudeEMETIB

You're a statistics whiz and were awarded an A in the course, however you got expelled from the school for smoking dope.


I wish I didn't have to pay for groceries.

you fall into the freezer at your local supermarket and emerge in a world where groceries pay for you, the broccoli that buys you doesn't keep you in the people crisper and eventually has to throw away your rotting leg before boiling you for dinner.


i wish loose ends didn't bother me so much.

[Kydizzle]

Originally Posted by yoav

granted, you're launched via catapult over her and all her friends while they laugh at you, before hitting a brick wall.



you fall into the freezer at your local supermarket and emerge in a world where groceries pay for you, the broccoli that buys you doesn't keep you in the people crisper and eventually has to throw away your rotting leg before boiling you for dinner.


i wish loose ends didn't bother me so much.

you get over it, but at horrible costs to your psyche and you wind up murdering three strangers and taking your own life by stabbing yourself repeatedly with a butter knife.

i wish i had a new guitar

[AronSora]

Granted, but your guitar fails to get you laid because it is a "l33t" guitar with lame stickers from geek culture.

I wish I didn't have emotions.

[JollyEnglishman]

Granted, but you are neither happy or grateful for it because you have no emotions.

I wish I had a monkey.

[Draconis]

Granted, but whilst you're out of the house, the monkey sets a fire and you lose all that you hold dear, and because it's arson caused by your own familiar, insurance doesn't pay.

I wish I had a satisfying sexual partner that couldn't get me preggo, and had no venerial diseases.

[yoav]

Originally Posted by Draconis

Granted, but whilst you're out of the house, the monkey sets a fire and you lose all that you hold dear, and because it's arson caused by your own familiar, insurance doesn't pay.

I wish I had a satisfying sexual partner that couldn't get me preggo, and had no venerial diseases.

granted, but that sexual partner is an ostrich, and after your first encounter it becomes incredibly difficult to get close to it without freaking it out. and the only one you have access to lives at the zoo and you end up on the news repetitively for ostrich fucking. you eventually try finding a man who will dress up like an ostrich but it's not the same, so you move to the southern sahara to run around naked running after ostriches but are never truly integrated with their culture.

i wish i hadn't missed the first few hours of the 75 hour marathon.

[CuriousKlepto]

Originally Posted by yoav

i wish i hadn't missed the first few hours of the 75 hour marathon.

Granted! You find a wormhole to transfer your consciousness to the past But after going through the wormhole and laughing your way back to the present, you come out to find that while unattended, your brainless body has signed the podshow contract and are now a slave to Adam Curry.


I wish I didn't have to end my date tonight.

[Tombo]

Granted, but if tonight never ends Keith and Chemda's book is never released and it's all your fault.

I wish I could ditch work for a few days and keep listening to the marathon for its entirety.

[DudeEMETIB]

Originally Posted by Tombo

Granted, but if tonight never ends Keith and Chemda's book is never released and it's all your fault.

I wish I could ditch work for a few days and keep listening to the marathon for its entirety.

You got fired so you now you have all the time to listen to the marathon, but you've lost your hearing, so you have to find the transcript...there is no transcript. Also your dick falls off, for no reason.


I wish my roommates were a bit cleaner.

[Draconis]

Originally Posted by DudeEMETIB

You got fired so you now you have all the time to listen to the marathon, but you've lost your hearing, so you have to find the transcript...there is no transcript. Also your dick falls off, for no reason.


I wish my roommates were a bit cleaner.

(I lol'd)

Granted, but now he/she cleans obsessively, all the time, and douses you with bleach when you walk through the door, causing you to be blind.

I wish I could have as many kittens as I wanted, without being considered fkn crazy.